Responses.........

I've mentioned before that I go to church on Sunday.

 Well, not so much these last couple of months. I've had some physical problems that have made me change when I take some meds, and - to be honest- there's been a couple of really hot days that I didn't want to go out at all.

But I went this morning. It's sort of an anniversary for me.

Five years ago today, I was diagnosed with Congestive Heart Disease.

I won't go into anything specific right now. What counts is that I'm still here.

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What struck me during the Mass this morning was the Responsorial Psalm. This takes place between the Old Testament and New Testament readings prior to the Gospel. The Lector reads the Psalm and the congregants respond with a particular line from the text. The line this morning was..

"Turn to the Lord in your need, and you shall live."

Tie that in to what I was remembering from five years ago, and you can imagine what was going through my mind.

After Mass, I sat in my car trying to make sense of these feelings. I remember everything that happened during the whole experience. Every action, every reaction...

 every response.

I don't remember turning to God, particularly.

I don't remember feeling depressed.

I don't remember despairing.

I do remember doing what they wanted me to do. Blood tests. Doctor's visits. Changes to my meds. Whatever.

I do remember not being scared. Not being afraid.

I don't remember ever thinking that I was going to die.

Thinking  back on it all this morning, what I guess I remember most was a sort of calm. A kind of acceptance. Whatever was going to happen would happen.

Perhaps that, in a way, was turning to God - letting His will be done. I don't know.

 All I do know is that I'm still here.

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I had breakfast at Perkins.

I stopped at Shoprite for the paper and some other things and went home.

When I got there, I found a small box on the seat of the recliner in my living room. There was a note on top.


                  You'll know when to open this.

                               G.

Gordon.

 I haven't heard from him in months and then he leaves me a package. I wasn't sure what to do.

I stared at it for a long time.

Finally, I put it in a cabinet in my kitchen, under the place where my microwave is.

I didn't know what else to do with it.

I didn't know how I should react to it.

I didn't know how to respond.