A Slight Relapse..............

It's a funny thing but the older I get the more I dislike snow. Maybe because I live in New Jersey now. When I was living in the Bronx, I got around by bus or train so weather conditions didn't really bother me. Living in New Jersey, you really need a car to get around. That means that you have to clean it off - and, maybe, dig it out - every time it snows. And we've had three snow storms in the last week.

I really dislike snow.

Plus, the temperature has been below average. That means that the snow hasn't melted and, when the snow turned to rain, it turned to ice quickly.

Not a fan of that, either.

Today, however, the sun was out, and so was I. And I took the Flasher with me. I've been carrying it since Gordon visited me last week. It just makes me feel safer.

The side street that I was parked on hadn't been completely cleared, but I was fairly close to the corner, and the main road looked pretty good. Of course, I had to scrape the ice off.

I let the car warm up for about 10 minutes because it was so cold out. I checked my mirrors, then started to pull out when this plow truck jumped out of a nearby driveway and cut me off.

I've always found these guys to be a little too full of themselves. It's like they feel like I should be happy that they're clearing my street while piling up all the excess snow against the side of my car. And he didn't use his blinker when he turned right.

I pulled out and - using my blinker - turned right also. When we stopped at the light at Freeman Street, he was in the left lane and I was in the right. The sunlight on the snow created quite a glare. And I remembered that  the Flasher had an effect on car engines.

Point, press, Flash.

When the light changed, I drove away and he didn't.

That felt great.

I had a plan for today, and everything went well. I stopped at Shoprite and picked up some stuff for lunch and supper. I picked up the paper. I had breakfast at Dunkin' Donuts. I found a Toys for Tots drop-off at the Woodbridge Center Mall. You always feel good when things fall into place.

I headed home.

And then this idiot on a bike decided to cut across the street in front of me.

Thankfully, I was slowing down to make the right turn. I followed him around the corner. He stayed in the street, and I came up along side of him. Old habits die hard, and I'd been checking my mirrors. No one else was around.

Point, press, Flash.

He and the bike fell over and I continued my drive home.

Later on that day, I got the delivery of a Christmas present I had ordered. All in all, a good day except for ...

.. a slight relapse.

Withdrawal.................

This last month has been tough.

Ever since Doyle told me that there was a heightened awareness among local police forces about the possibility of a killer on the loose I've stopped staging Events. Don't get me wrong, I still go out every day - or at least every day that the weather permits - but I don't carry the Flasher anymore.

And it hasn't been easy.

At first, I tried not to notice people, but - to be honest - there are too many of them. And I'd gotten used to the hunt. The desire was like an itch - an itch under my skin - an itch that I couldn't reach. I wanted to scratch it badly.

 But I knew that I couldn't.

That's when I realized what an addiction was.

 I thought I knew  -I smoked for about 40 years, before I wound up at the hospital and was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. It was easy to quit smoking then because I was in the hospital for two weeks and they don't let you smoke.

Anyway ...

It's been tough.

But, I struggled through it. And after several weeks, I've realized that the best thing you can do with your life is to live it.
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 I was out today and ... well .. the itch wasn't as bad. Or it wasn't bad enough to bother me.

I drove around, did some Christmas shopping, and went home. I got a good parking spot, took my stuff out of the trunk, and walked home.

I didn't notice that one of my living room windows was open.

I walked into my apartment, and heard the window being closed.

I didn't lock the door, but walked straight into the living room.

Gordon stood there grinning.

"Hello, Denny! How good to see you !"

It looked like he was twitching, but I didn't allude to that. I just put down my packages and turned to face him.

"Hey .. uh .. Gordon .. so .. How're things going?"

"Excellent, my friend! Quite excellent! " He started to pace around the living room - which isn't that big.

"I wanted to ask you, Denny .... I wanted to ask you ... umm .. why you stopped .. you know .. doing what we do." He paused and shook his head. "But then I got to thinking. Maybe .... just maybe .... you didn't want to do this anymore and I couldn't figure out why so ..." He grinned at me, " .. I decided to stop by and ask you why."

He went to sit down on the couch but couldn't. Instead he turned towards the window, twitching and scratching his right ear.

I decided to change the topic.

"What's going on, Gordon? ...You seem  .. I don't know ....kinda itchy."

He stood facing the window for a long time - still twitching - then turned towards me.

He became calm, but I could see the fingers of his right hand drumming against his leg. He seemed to have decided to change the conversation, too. He grinned at me.

"Denny .... my good friend, Denny --- you have the package I sent you, right?"
"Um .. Yes ... of course.".
"Good. If what I have planned works out .." his face took on a more sober quality ....".. this is the end game."

"What do you mean by that, Gordon?"

He walked towards the door, then turned around.

"There are things in play, Denny. I'm sorry that you're involved, but ...."

He opened the door ...

....  I hope you figure it out."

He closed the door.

I sat down in my chair and tried to understand what was going on. I was dealing with two people with two different agendas ..

Doyle warned me what I might be in store for ...

Gordon warned me what I might be in store for ...

..and I'm left dealing with both of them and what it means to have to deal with ..

... withdrawal.