You know how, sometimes, you wake up in the middle of the night and it's dark, and quiet, and for a moment you're disoriented - you don't know where you are. This has happened to me - several times - recently. And in those brief moments - that uncertainty - I think that I'm still in the hospital, before the operation, and that the last 3 years were all a dream. Then I roll over and see the redly glowing, digital time display on the cable box. And I can breathe again. And go back to sleep.
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It wasn't easy, at first, but I've kept myself in check this past month. This is not to say that I haven't been aggravated, haven't been tempted to use the Flasher. But I had resolved to control that impulse before my last meeting with Craig and I've held myself to it. There were so many instances...
- the drivers who cut me off, the speeders, and the too-slows;
- the shoppers who pushed me aside, or hit me with their carts, or didn't have their money ready;
- the people arguing too loudly on their cell phones, treating their waiters/waitresses badly, or just thinking they're better then everyone else.
I might have followed them - before - but not now. Now, I'm trying to let things go. Not hold them in. Not let them get to me. Not pay so much attention to individual people. It hasn't been easy, especially now that the Christmas season has started.
The weather has been kind of strange lately. It's been unseasonably warm until the last few days, and the damp rainy days we've had haven't helped to bring on the festive mood. But, I do what I can.
I like the Holidays... partly. It annoys me that the music and ads start earlier and earlier each year. But I can usually get that Christmasy feeling when shopping for presents (though I try to never go to the malls or big-box stores on weekends because of the crowds).
I got almost all of my shopping done early, so I'm only looking for one more thing, just not sure of what it will be. Today, I figured to check out the Menlo Park Mall early and got there just after the anchor stores opened, but before the smaller ones did. I figured on wandering through, window-shopping. It was not crowded.
The mall walkers were out, of course, and the employees for the smaller stores were arriving, or eating breakfast in the Food Court. There were some shoppers, and quite a few mothers with their kids in strollers - all dressed up for a picture with Santa.
I walked along the lower level first I was even enjoying the subtle sounds of the piped in carols. There was no pushing, no screaming, (the calm before the storm). I took one of the escalators up to the second level passing by the entrance to Macy's, when out of the corner of my eye, I noticed someone walk by.
There was no real reason to notice him, and yet...there was............ something. I stopped outside of Old Navy, and tried to figure it out. What was it?
Then it hit me...the jacket! I'd seen the jacket before. More probably, I'd seen the guy wearing that jacket before...and recently. But where? I couldn't remember.
I turned back. He wasn't in sight but the escalator was close by. I went to the railing and looked down. At the bottom of the escalator, I could see him looking up as if searching for someone. He was wearing a baseball cap now, but I could tell he stopped searching when he spotted me. He saluted in my direction, then spun around and walked out of view.
I started after him but I knew I'd never catch him. There was an exit to a parking lot, an entrance to the Macy's, and several smaller shops down there. He could've gone anywhere.
I reached the First Floor, but he was gone.
Why did I recognize the jacket? Who was he?
Why was he at the mall? And, why had he acknowledged me?
I had the questions, but no answers.
I mulled it over as I headed back to where I parked my car. The way I saw it, there were only two possible answers.
1. I'm over-reacting, possibly a bit paranoid. But I'm sure that I've seen that jacket before, and why did he salute in my direction? Or..........
2. It was Del. He's following me for some reason - again.
Either way, I needed to contact Doyle. I'd call the number I had as soon as I got into my car and had some privacy.
That turned out to be unnecessary.
Doyle was standing by my car when I got there. We shook hands.
"I was just about to call you."
"Are you OK?"
"Sure..Why wouldn't I be?"
"The Tracker on our Delaware subject popped back up about 1/2 an hour ago showing that he was here in the Mall. A quick check also showed that you were here too, and in close proximity. Did anyone speak to you..approach you in any way?"
"No. But there was someone and that was why I was going to contact you." I told him what had happened. I told him about the jacket. He asked what the guy looked like, and I told him what I could.
He rubbed his face with his hand. He looked tired.
"Was it him?... Del?... The guy I saw?"
He was quiet for a minute or two, then nodded his head slowly. "Sounds like it may have been, given the circumstances."
"Why?..Why is he doing this?..."
"We don't know...He's playing us...He's got some kind of agenda but we can't figure it out. I'm sorry, Denny, we just don't know."
"So you think he's, what, using me to rub your nose in it? He's laughing at you, and he wants you to know it? Is that it?"
Doyle ran his fingers through his hair and paced back and forth. He was trying to control himself.
"Maybe, Denny, but I'm getting sick of it." He paused, and rolled his neck, "We're gonna get him." He said softly. "We're gonna get him if it's the last thing I do." His eyes were hard.
His phone went off, but he ignored it.
"I'll be in touch, Denny. As soon as I work out a few things, I'll be in touch."
He turned quickly and walked away, pulling out his phone.
I stood there staring after him, long after he'd gotten into his SUV and drove away.
