Two Sides............

Doyle called last night. I haven't heard from him since January, and we agreed to meet this morning. As I got ready to leave, I opened the windows in the bedroom slightly. I haven't heard from Gordon since December and it was worth a try.

When I got to the Burger King in the Woodbridge Center Mall, Doyle was already sitting at a table, two cups of coffee in front of him. He stood up. We shook hands.

"Denny, thanks for coming."
"Hey, Doyle, how's it going?"
"I'm good, but I'm not sure how it's going."

We sat. He pushed one of the coffee's towards me.

"So....why are you not sure how it's going?"
He drank from his cup. "Look...I'll be straight with you. It's this whole Sequester thing."
"Seriously?...How?"
"You have to understand...DHS has picked up a large chuck of the domestic funding from the Federal Government. Plus, we contract out a lot of other stuff that people don't really pay attention to."
"Like what?"
He just grinned, and shook his head.
"That's one of those TV questions where the answer is 'It's need to know, only', or 'If I told ya, I'd have to kill ya'. But that stuff doesn't really matter here. What I wanted to tell you was that this operation may wind up being cut back drastically."
I paused, to think about this.

"OK. I guess I can understand that. I guess that I knew it wouldn't really last, but what happens to everything? Have you had any trace of Gordon?...... Is Jones willing to give up his chase?"

Doyle looked up at the ceiling for a minute or two, drank some coffee, then focused on me.

"Den, I don't know what Mr. Jones intends to do. He's obsessed with Gordon, and I don't know why. It's kinda like Ahab and his whale. Either way....he's got the final say on whatever cuts we have to make."
"Well....that sorta sounds like we'll still be in business."
"Maybe. But even he has people watching him. If push comes to shove, he'll cut this rather then put himself in jeopardy."

I drank some coffee while I took this in. The coffee was terrible. I finally nodded.
"I understand, Doyle. Thanks for the heads up. But what about Gordon? Do you have anything new on him?"
"No. Nothing. There hasn't been any activity on his part for a couple of months, but like I told you last time, I don't think he's gone............I think he's planning something."
"Any idea what?" I'd finished my coffee, and I noticed that Doyle was just twirling his cup on the table.
Doyle grinned. "Not really. Even the shrinks aren't sure what he may or may not do. They only agree that he must be ...weaker...then when he started. They believe that he hasn't been able to get his meds, so he's probably in a bad way, but they can't come up with any proof."

He stood, and threw away his coffee cup.
"Anyway, Denny, I just wanted to let you know that there may be a change coming up. I'll try to keep something going, but I can't make any promises."

I stood up, too, and offered my hand. We shook.
"Whatever happens...thanks, Doyle. It's been real."
He smiled, and walked away. I threw my cup out, and ran some errands before heading home.
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It wasn't until I was opening my mailbox out in front of the building that I realized that my bedroom windows were closed.

Gordon was sitting on my couch when I walked in.

"Denny! How good to see you!" He jumped up and hugged me. There was a new feeling of energy to him. He even looked better then the last time I'd seen him.

I stepped back. "Well, Gordon....you look..great."
"I know. Like I told you the last time we met, I have someone helping me now. He's been able to get me the anti-reject meds. I'm feeling good now."

I felt like there was something wrong, but I couldn't put my finger on it. I sat down in my chair and he seemed to collapse on the couch. He wasn't as healthy as he was pretending to be.

"So..I'm glad to see you. I was afraid that you might have........you know............"
"Died?" He laughed. "Hardly. But I have changed my plans."
"Oh?.... Really? .......How?"
He stood up again, a bit more slowly this time, and stared out the window.
"I was..haphazard..before. I was striking out without a real target, Denny. Do you understand that?"
I said I didn't. I could see him nod his head, but he didn't turn around.
"I was doing what you do, Denny, staging these random Events just to draw their attention. But then I got to thinking. Then I realized that what I was doing was what they expected me to do."

He turned around, and faced me. His eyes burned.

I cleared me throat. "So....um....what did you do then?"
He grinned - not like Doyle had - and it stretched the skin across his face in a very nasty way.
"I did nothing. That's right..nothing. I laid low. Frankly, I didn't have too many options, but then I met...........my friend......and things got easier. I began to focus."

He turned to the window again, and I tried to get a grip on what he was talking about.

"Look...I don't really understand what you're talking about, Gordon, but I think you should probably go back to your friend and...I don't know... think some more, or something."
I could see his head shake, again. I could imagine him grinning, too.

He turned around, faced me again, and the room seemed to get darker.
"I want you to understand something, Denny. I know what happened to me - what even happened to you. I know who is responsible."

He seemed to glow in the sudden darkness.
"Who, Gordon? Who's responsible?" I thought I didn't care but, somehow, he made it important to know.
His grin stretched across his face.
"Jones.....Jones is responsible....And I will make an example of him."

Before I could say or do anything, he ran towards the door., then turned...
"It was nice to see you again, Denny...I'll be in touch." He shut the door behind him.

First Doyle, then Gordon.

There are two sides to every coin.

Timing.............

I've been thinking about Time lately. Not the magazine, the concept. How certain events in our lives never lose their impact on us from year to year. For example, I know that each generation has a Landmark Event - a "Where Were You When" event that defines them. These events overlap from generation to generation, but there is always one, defining,  Primary Event. For our parents it was Pearl Harbor. For us, the Kennedy Assassination. For our children, September 11th. These are the Times that we will always remember.

There are also personal events. Take, for instance, the death of a family member. We had a memorial mass on Saturday to mark the third anniversary of one in our family, and I could see that several of the other attendees still felt the loss as keenly as they did back then.

I guess Time doesn't always heal all wounds.

And, of course, there are the happy events that still thrill us every year, such as a wedding or a birth. I can admit to reliving my transplant experience every November 24th.

I find it interesting that these events - these Times - can still affect us years after they actually occurred.
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But it's not just Time, it's Timing. On a daily basis, we tend to do the same things at the same times. We get up, we eat, we exercise (or not), we go to bed, usually at the same time every day. Any change to these routines can throw us off, and we feel disoriented. And sometimes we try to compensate for this. If we stayed up too late one night, we'll probably go to bed early on the next one.

Human nature.

I stayed up late (for me) Sunday night to watch the Oscars, and got up at my usual time on Monday. Therefore, I went to bed early last night. Unfortunately, all that did was see me get up very early this morning.

I drove up towards Avenel and remembered, too late, that they were working on Avenel Street and it was closed to traffic. I had to take some unfamiliar back roads to get over to St. George's Avenue. That's where I came up behind this guy.

I figured that he was heading towards the train station and, because of the road work, had to go this way. We were the only ones around. I was still having trouble with the windows, but that didn't bother me anymore.

Point, press, Flash.

I continued on towards St. George, and turned left. I drove back through Woodbridge, and turned right onto Main Street.

I turned into the Wegman's/Loewe's shopping area, and turned up into the smaller lot to the left of Wegman's. Up ahead, I saw this woman walking to her car.

I slowed, looking around. It was still early and this section of the lot was practically empty. I took the chance and drove toward her, keeping her on my driver's side. She opened her passenger side door just as I passed her, probably to put her package inside.

Point, press, Flash.

I drove out, turned right onto Woodbridge Center Drive, then left onto Route 1. I stopped at a Dunkin' Donuts for a bagel and coffee, then continued on through Edison and Metuchen.

I parked in the back lot of a strip mall in South Plainfield and just walked around a bit. I thought I was the only one around until this guy rounded the corner up ahead of me.

He was coming towards me. I walked toward him. We were the only one's around. As we passed, we nodded to each other.

Point, press, Flash.

I went back to my car, and headed towards Metuchen again. I still had about a half an hour before the library so I'd stop somewhere and get the paper. Maybe do the crossword puzzle.

I came across each of these people today because I'd gotten up early this morning.

Sometimes, it's all about the Timing.

Change of Plans..........

When I go out in the morning, I usually have a plan. I know what I want to get done and where I want to go. Of course, that doesn't always work out. Take this morning, for example.

I planned to do my wash at a friend's house. She'd be at work, but I have a key. I was going to stop in, put my wash on, and go food shopping while the machine ran. Long story short, the selector knob was broken so I couldn't use the washer. I took my stuff back to my place and, since I now had to come up with something else for today, decided to drive to Unique - a thrift store in South Plainfield.

They don't open until 10, and it was only 9:15 so I took the back roads, enjoying the ride and the sunny weather. As I got close to South Plainfield I stopped at a red light and noticed this guy just standing around on the corner.

OK. Change of plans. I looked around and there was no one else in the area. I made the right turn, slowly.

Point, press, Flash.

Since I was now turned away from South Plainfield, I headed for Metuchen. The library there opens at 10 and I was still early.

I parked on a side street not too far from the library.I had about 1/2 an hour and thought I'd walk around a bit and take in the warm weather. As I was about to get out of the car, I noticed this woman in my driver's side mirror. She was heading in my direction. I decided to wait until she passed me, and started my engine again.

I checked around, and we were the only one's around. I pulled out from the curb, and slowly drove past her.

Point, press, Flash.

Change of plans again. I decided to drive to the Menlo Park Mall and browse around in Barnes & Noble's.

They were open when I got there but, being a Thursday morning, there weren't too many people in the store. I took the escalator to the second floor, figuring on checking out the Graphic Novel section. As I headed there, I passed this guy sitting on the floor, playing a music video on his laptop.

Now, I know it's not a library, but I found the music he was playing to be intrusive and obnoxious. I walked up and down several nearby aisles, looking around, checking for other browsers. There was no one close by, probably because of this annoying guy. I started past him towards the far side of the store.

Point, press, Flash.

He looked the same but, because the Flash was so close, the laptop went dark. It was quiet again as I headed for the down escalator.

Then I headed for home.

I hadn't planned to be home so early, but plans change.

Weather.............

It's been over three weeks since I last heard from Doyle. If there was anything going on, I'm pretty sure he'd tell me. There's nothing I can do but wait.

It's been much longer then that since I heard from Gordon. I was a little concerned but the last time we met he said that there was someone helping him out. Again, there's nothing I can do but wait.

Well, that's not entirely true.

I've been going out every day looking to stage an Event or two, but I've had some problems. All of them involve the weather.

We've either had really sunny days that , with the wind factored in, have been bone-chillingly cold. Or, we've had unseasonably warm days that have been overcast and rainy. Either way, there haven't been too many people out and, I have to admit, I didn't want to stay out too long in either case. Also, I've developed a problem with my car that makes things a little more difficult.

About two and a half weeks ago, it was one of the bright and windy days and I was out early. I was up just past Avenel, in Rahway, behind the PathMark/KMart strip mall. I saw this guy just up ahead, leaning against his car, smoking a cigarette.

I looked around, but we were the only ones around. I had the Flasher down by my side, as usual. Here's where my problem occurred. My windows open and close electronically. The weather had apparently affected them because when I tried the driver's side one, it started to creep down way too slowly.Of course, I started to worry if I'd be able to raise it back.

I drove past the smoker, and stopped in the far side of the lot. Eventually, the window closed but I was going to have to reconsider things.

On the way home, I remembered that I've used the Flasher through windows before, just not my windows. It shouldn't make a difference. I wanted to try it right away, but I figured the smoker would be gone by now. I'd get a chance soon.

Last week it rained on and off, but it was warmer. It had stopped early enough one day, so I drove up to Colonia. My phone rang, and I stopped on the side of the street to see who it was. It was a robo-call from my pharmacy stating that a prescription of mine was ready. It was starting to rain again, and I looked up as I was putting my phone back. I saw this man heading towards me.

I kept my phone in my right hand, pretending to speak into it, and scanned the neighborhood. No one else. As he came up to the passenger side, I acted.

Point, press, Flash.

I saw him drop, started the car, and headed for the pharmacy.

Yesterday started out overcast, but dry. I drove up St. George's Avenue and took the jug-handle into the ShopRite lot. I dove around to the rear lot, and saw this older guy putting groceries into his trunk. He was coming up on my driver's side.

I dove around him, checking out the area. We were the only one's there. I turned so he'd be on the passenger side, and narrowed the gap.

Point, press, Flash.

I drove around the front, parked, and did some shopping. We're expecting a pretty severe storm coming and, like others, I needed some supplies.

I can't help thinking of a line from an old Laurel and Hardy movie...

Lot's of weather we've been having.

Changes in Attitude..............

So far, this year has been mostly gray. Sure, we had a few warm days last week, but no sun to go with them. Today started out overcast but threatened rain and I was tempted to just stay in bed but I knew I couldn't.

Doyle called last night. We agreed to meet at the Dunkin' Donuts on St. George in Avenel at 10.

I hadn't heard from Doyle in weeks so I was anxious to see what he had to say. I was up at 7, and left my house about 7:30. I decided that one way to perk myself up would be to change something so I drove into Woodbridge Proper to get a haircut. I parked in a small public lot on a side street and walked towards my barber's, who opens at 8. That's when I saw this guy rooting around in his truck.

 I came up behind him. Since it was so early, there was no one else around.

Point, press, Flash.

I got my haircut, and headed back to my car. As I pulled out of the lot, I noticed that the guy was still slumped inside his van. I drove slowly up through Avenel.

It started to rain.

Not so many people out in this weather.

I took my time. I still had over an hour before I had to meet Doyle. I drove up one street and down another. I stopped to pick up the paper. As I sat in the car afterwards, this guy passed me. I followed behind slowly.

He turned up one of the side streets and so did I. Despite the rain, I lowered my window. I picked up speed, looking around. We were the only one's out and about.

Point, press, Flash.

I continued up the hill, took the first right, and headed for Dunkin' Donuts. I was almost 45 minutes early, but I figured that I'd sit in the car and read the paper.

I parked in the back lot, and went inside at 5 minutes to 10. Doyle was already there, with 2 cups of coffee and a muffin. I knew one of the coffees was mine, so I bought an everything bagel with vegetable cream cheese and joined him.

"Hey, Denny, Happy New Year.. how you doin'?" He put out his hand and I shook it.
"Happy New Year to you, too. Good, Doyle, I'm good. How're you? I haven't heard from you in a while."
"Yeah, I've been down in Virginia, training. Mr. Jones instituted some mandatory training sessions for all agents so I've been down there taking some and giving others for about a month.A waste of time, if you ask me." He pushed across one of the coffees and ate some of his muffin.
"Really? How so?" I opened my coffee and had some of my bagel.
He chewed for a bit, drank some more coffee.

"We didn't cover anything new. With all that's going on, especially now with the gun control issue heating up, you'd think we'd be preparing some alternate safety measures but it was all just a rehash of the stuff we've been doing for years."
"You sound..I don't know...disgruntled, or something."
"Maybe...maybe a little. I've been at this a long time, and it's always been our ability to prepare for possibilities that's kept it interesting. This just felt like we're just spinning our wheels."

I couldn't think of a response, so I concentrated on my breakfast and waited for him to speak again.
After a minute or two, he seemed to shake it off, and laughed.

"Listen to me. Maybe Shakespeare had it right and this is the"..winter of our discontent". Anyway, I just wanted to check in and see how you were doing and to let you know that we haven't had any Gordon sightings for a while."
"Oh? Do you think he might be...you know..dead?"

He shook his head slowly.
"No..I don't. I think we could probably find him faster if he was. Anyway, I think he's the type to do something spectacular as his finale."
He finished his coffee and muffin and was cleaning up the crumbs.
"You know, Doyle, maybe you're in a rut. Maybe you should change something."

He looked at me. "Like what?"
"Get a haircut. I just did and..I don't know..but somehow I feel better. About myself. About things in general."

He stood up and looked at me.
"You mean like a change in attitude? Like Buffett sings about?"
I grinned at him. "It couldn't hurt."
He grinned back. We shook hands.
"Maybe I will, Denny. Take care now."
"You too, Doyle."

He left and I ate the rest of my breakfast.

Hazy Shades..............

I haven't staged an Event in weeks. It's not that I didn't have any opportunities. I go out every day, driving around through my corner of Middlesex County. There's always errands to run and, this being December, there was the additional search for presents to buy.

There is always someone.

I can always find someone on their own. Isolated. Alone.

But I just wasn't in the mood. Perhaps that Seasonal Affective Disorder thing really does have an impact on everyone. After all, we haven't had much sunlight lately. Just what Paul Simon called "A Hazy Shade of Winter".

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This morning started as another gray day. But it has the added impact of being New Year's Eve. I didn't have any place in particular to go, but I had to do something so I headed out. I got gas at a Hess Station on Route 9 and stopped at the Post Office in Avenel to mail something.

I had breakfast at the Dunkin' Donuts on St. George Avenue, and decided to head to Metuchen and see if the library was open.

As I drove down Route 27, I noticed that there was very little traffic around, even more so then usual. Just up ahead, I saw this guy - one of those workers who screws up traffic by putting those orange cones way too far out from their vehicles.

I slowed, looking around. I was the only car in the vicinity - except for this guy's. I lowered the passenger side window.

Point, press, Flash.

I drove into Metuchen and found the library open. I picked up a couple of novels - one by Mordecai Richler and one by Philip Roth -  for $.50 each. I've been reading mostly mysteries for the last year or so and these would be a nice change of pace. Perhaps I'd be making a change for the new year after all.

I drove up into South Plainfield, cutting through a parking lot of a local Krauser's so I could bypass a traffic light. As I entered the lot through the back, I saw this guy up ahead.

He was on the passenger side, so I lowered that window again. A quick look around. No one else.

Point, press, Flash.

I continued on.

I pulled into the strip mall where Unique is. That's the thrift store I like to stop at from time to time. I've picked up coats for $6, jeans for $4, and other stuff. Mondays they discount everything by another 25%. On an impulse, I drove around the back. I'm guessing that this guy just picked up the bike and was trying it out.

I thought about it. There was no one else around. But the pick up area for the large pieces (furniture, etc.) from Unique was here and someone could show up at any time. And anyway, the guy seemed to be having a good time.

I didn't stop. I drove home.

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Now I'm sitting on my bed, propped up against the head board. The TV is on, and my laptop is where the name suggests. I can look out the window and watch the traffic pass by on Rahway Avenue, as well as anyone going in or out of my building. The sky is still gray, but - I think - my mood has changed.

When I was younger, things were always black and white. There was a right reason for doing something, and a wrong one. Now............I'm not so sure. Now, just having a reason seems to be justification enough.

I look out the window and it's getting dark. But we've passed the winter solstice, so it's getting darker later. Maybe that's all we can hope for.

That it keeps taking longer for the darkness to come in.

Maybe hazy shades aren't so bad after all.

Two Days.........

We've had a string of dreary looking days lately. Last week, that sort of fit my mood as I had the last two tests for my yearly check-up. Wednesday, I had a left heart catheterization - which involved going in through the femoral artery in my groin and using a dye to check out the heart chambers. That went well, but you have to stay on your back for hours until they decide that the incision has closed. I was dropped off at 5 o'clock in the morning and didn't get picked up until 2:30 in the afternoon. At least I knew that everything was good.

On Thursday, I had a CT scan done, because there was a spot on a chest x-ray and they wanted a better image. That process is very quick. In at 8, and out at 8:30. But you don't get an answer right away. I was back to waiting, again.
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Yesterday, the weather changed. The sun cam out and the temperature rose. It was a day to be out and about. Feeling good, I started the morning by driving through Sewarren. In this section of Woodbridge, there aren't many sidewalks. Heading down to the bay, I saw this older man coming towards me.

I had already lowered the windows to take advantage of the warmth. I looked around as we closed the gap. There was no one else around.

Point, press, Flash.

I swung back through Woodbridge Proper and drove into the Fords section of the township. There are a few strip malls here, some of them with empty stores. I drove through a few until I saw this one guy.

Most of the stores here had failed, so there wasn't anyone around. I slowed and watched, but the guy was just standing there. I passed him.

Point, press, Flash.

I continued on through Fords, down through Edison, and around into Iselin. The speed limit here is 25, so moving slowly doesn't attract attention. There are sidewalks here, and I came across this guy after a few minutes.

Maybe he was out for some exercise, I don't know, but he was moving at a good clip. I barely had enough time to verify that we were alone.

Point, press, Flash.

I drove on through Colonia, back into Woodbridge Proper, did some food shopping, and went home.

Later that afternoon I got a phone call. The results of the CT scan were in, and everything was fine. There was nothing further that needed to be done. I'm good for another year.

Then I thought about Gordon. Here I am with several doctor's - and their support staffs - making sure that I'm good to go, and somewhere out there Gordon was on his own. At least I could check up on him.
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This morning started out gray, but the sun broke through pretty quickly. When I left my apartment, I made sure that the bedroom windows were open.

This was the signal that we'd agreed upon. I was hoping that Gordon would see it.

I had some errands to run, and I stopped at a few libraries. It was another nice day for a drive, but I wasn't inclined to stage any Events.

I got back around 11:30. The bedroom windows were closed. I went in.

Gordon was sitting on the couch. He didn't look any worse then when I'd last seen him, but he hadn't looked all that good back then.

"Denny. I'm glad you signaled. I've been meaning to get in touch with you myself." He didn't stand. He didn't offer to shake hands. But he did smile.
"Hi, Art. I was hoping you'd see it." I put down the bags I was carrying. "So, how're you doing?"
"Ah, I thought that might be what was on your mind. I've noticed that you've had some doctor's visits recently, and I was pretty sure that they were due to your transplant anniversary. I'd guess that all is well, and you started feeling...what..concern?...for my well being."
"Yeah, I guess. But I do know that your out there on your own, and it can't be easy. And it's not just your heart, but..for instance..what did you do during that hurricane? Doyle said they couldn't tell if you were active then and I didn't know where you were."

He sat for a few minutes, just looking at me, which made me a little uncomfortable. Finally, he nodded.
"Although I don't have access to medical professionals, Denny, I am not alone. I have a friend who has been helping me. I stayed with him during the storm, and he keeps tabs on some things for me. In fact, do you remember that I said I was going to send you a package?"
I nodded.
"Good. Well, I thought better of it. You don't need to have the package right now. But when the time comes, my friend will send it to you. You'll know what to do with it then."

It was my turn to look at him. I realized that he wasn't as helpless as I thought.
I told him that. He just smiled. Then he stood, slowly.

"No, I'm not as helpless as you thought. But I don't have a lot of time to do what needs to be done."
"What needs to be done, Art?"
He just grinned again.
"It's time for me to be going. It was good to see you, Denny. Hopefully, we'll be able to meet again."

He left, closing the door behind him.

A lot can happen in two days.