Withdrawal.................

This last month has been tough.

Ever since Doyle told me that there was a heightened awareness among local police forces about the possibility of a killer on the loose I've stopped staging Events. Don't get me wrong, I still go out every day - or at least every day that the weather permits - but I don't carry the Flasher anymore.

And it hasn't been easy.

At first, I tried not to notice people, but - to be honest - there are too many of them. And I'd gotten used to the hunt. The desire was like an itch - an itch under my skin - an itch that I couldn't reach. I wanted to scratch it badly.

 But I knew that I couldn't.

That's when I realized what an addiction was.

 I thought I knew  -I smoked for about 40 years, before I wound up at the hospital and was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. It was easy to quit smoking then because I was in the hospital for two weeks and they don't let you smoke.

Anyway ...

It's been tough.

But, I struggled through it. And after several weeks, I've realized that the best thing you can do with your life is to live it.
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 I was out today and ... well .. the itch wasn't as bad. Or it wasn't bad enough to bother me.

I drove around, did some Christmas shopping, and went home. I got a good parking spot, took my stuff out of the trunk, and walked home.

I didn't notice that one of my living room windows was open.

I walked into my apartment, and heard the window being closed.

I didn't lock the door, but walked straight into the living room.

Gordon stood there grinning.

"Hello, Denny! How good to see you !"

It looked like he was twitching, but I didn't allude to that. I just put down my packages and turned to face him.

"Hey .. uh .. Gordon .. so .. How're things going?"

"Excellent, my friend! Quite excellent! " He started to pace around the living room - which isn't that big.

"I wanted to ask you, Denny .... I wanted to ask you ... umm .. why you stopped .. you know .. doing what we do." He paused and shook his head. "But then I got to thinking. Maybe .... just maybe .... you didn't want to do this anymore and I couldn't figure out why so ..." He grinned at me, " .. I decided to stop by and ask you why."

He went to sit down on the couch but couldn't. Instead he turned towards the window, twitching and scratching his right ear.

I decided to change the topic.

"What's going on, Gordon? ...You seem  .. I don't know ....kinda itchy."

He stood facing the window for a long time - still twitching - then turned towards me.

He became calm, but I could see the fingers of his right hand drumming against his leg. He seemed to have decided to change the conversation, too. He grinned at me.

"Denny .... my good friend, Denny --- you have the package I sent you, right?"
"Um .. Yes ... of course.".
"Good. If what I have planned works out .." his face took on a more sober quality ....".. this is the end game."

"What do you mean by that, Gordon?"

He walked towards the door, then turned around.

"There are things in play, Denny. I'm sorry that you're involved, but ...."

He opened the door ...

....  I hope you figure it out."

He closed the door.

I sat down in my chair and tried to understand what was going on. I was dealing with two people with two different agendas ..

Doyle warned me what I might be in store for ...

Gordon warned me what I might be in store for ...

..and I'm left dealing with both of them and what it means to have to deal with ..

... withdrawal.