Some Explanations...............

Yesterday was supposed to be rainy, but when I got outside the sun was out. It was a bright, clear day, and warm, the kind of Indian Summery day I hadn't seen in a long time. I felt good. I felt in balance.

Maybe that "in balance" needs some explanation. The one thing transplant recipients and their support staff fear the most is rejection. To prevent that, they're put on anti-rejection medications - which are also classified as immuno-suppressants. I'm on tacrolimus, and it's monitored through periodic blood tests and measured on a numeric scale - the main focus being on the range between 6 and 15. Up around 15, and there's a risk of damage to other organs such as the liver, down around 6 and it's not as effective at preventing rejection. Starting in September, my level bounced back and forth between the two extremes, which required multiple blood tests, and several changes to the dosage. All that is over for now. I am back in balance. I feel good.

I got in the car and headed out on to Rahway Avenue. Up ahead I could see that the light at Freeman Street had turned red so like a lot of other people in my neighborhood I made a quick left on to Martin Terrace (this will let me bypass the light completely). There she was, an older woman heading in my direction. Maybe she came out of Finn Towers, I didn't know. It wasn't important. I looked around. No one.

There was no one else around. No pedestrians, no cars. I had the windows down, and the Flasher on the seat beside me. I had to act quickly, it was a short block. Slowing, I watched her coming on. She was moving diagonally across, probably heading for the sidewalk. We closed the gap. She came up on my driver's side, still in the street. I scanned the area again. Still no one. Point, press, Flash. I sped up quickly and turned the corner onto Ellis Place. Looking in my rear view, there was nothing. No one. Not even a woman crossing the street. I stopped at the sign at Freeman, and made the left. I had some errands to run.

Back in balance and feeling good.

It stayed warm, but the sky did cloud over a few times. I bought some stuff, returned some stuff, and wound up coming back from Edison along Middlesex Avenue (Route 27). I turned right onto Parsonage Road, with the vague thought of going to Roosevelt Park and getting some fresh air and exercise.

I passed through the housing developments, under the train tracks, and came out by the park. There was a woman in a red sweater walking along what I thought was the outside track. I made the right turn onto Oakwood and the next quick right brought me into the park's first parking area. As I drove slowly through I saw parents and their children in the playground, people fishing in the little stream. All thoughts of exercise were gone. My phone chimed. Confirmation Number One.

The road turns in through the retirement home, passed older people on benches, probably watching the younger people in the park and remembering. The road then curves back to Parsonage Road. I could see the woman in the red sweater. She wasn't on a track, but walking along the side of the road at the park's edge, inside the guide rail.

This might get tricky. Parsonage runs uphill, and I could see that side easily, but to my left there's a sharp curve as it dips back under the train tracks. I slowed. My windows were still open. I stopped at the sign. Uphill was clear, and she was getting closer, no one was behind me, but I was unsure of who might pop up from downhill. I was running out of time. She got closer.

I hit the gas, turning quickly onto Parsonage. I took a quick look behind - nothing. Point, press, Flash. I kept going, up to Oakwood again, and stopped at the red light. A couple of cars pulled up behind me. No one was honking horns. No one was yelling. The light turned green, and I made the left and kept going. By the time I'd turned off onto Thornhill, then Gill Lane my phone had chimed again. Confirmation Number Two.

I felt good. I was in balance.

Then Doyle called...................

I was to meet him this morning at Barnes & Noble outside the Menlo Park Mall. I was concerned because his instructions sounded a little "spyish" and besides, he wasn't supposed to be involved with my side of things anymore. Of course, I agreed to meet him.

On the second floor, along the side of the store facing out onto Parsonage Road, there is a gap between the shelves for Fiction and the ones for Graphic Novels. The staff has placed a display of Barnes & Noble Classics here, parallel to the windows. There are 2 chairs between the display and the windows, offering a kind of privacy to anyone sitting there. I picked up a copy of Crime and Punishment and sat down to wait. It wasn't long. Doyle's voice came to me from behind the display.

"Good to see you, Denny. How's it going?"
"What the hell? Are you really gonna hide back there?"
"Sorry. I'm not supposed to be here, but there was something I meant to explain from the last time we met. So just pretend to read your book, and just listen. Don't talk, just nod if I ask anything, OK?"
I nodded.
"Fine. Last time we met - Jeez, must be a month ago, I said it was good that you'd looked a target in the eye. You asked why, and I said I'd explain, but I had to make sure you understood the new changes, so I forgot. With me so far?"
I nodded again, making sure to play my part by turning a page now and then.
"What our Psych people told me was that this was a sign that you'd really bought in to the whole operation. You were now a real part of this. You could target someone, and take them out face to face without any qualms.  These shrinks said that you would have no problems going forward."

He paused. I sat for a while, then, because I thought he might be waiting for it, I nodded.

"You see, I was afraid that the People Upstairs were moving too fast, that you might have second thoughts when they told you what they had planned. I was relieved to see that wasn't gonna happen. I kinda grew fond of you, seeing as how you were my first recruit. I knew you wouldn't let me down."

He said nothing for a few minutes. I turned a few more pages. I probably should have been worried that someone might find us talking like this, but I know Doyle and his precautions pretty well by now.

"OK. Now don't go telling anyone about this little tete-a-tete, OK? I'm not supposed to be here. In fact, I'm in Delaware right now, checking on a possibility. Givings is your handler now. And be careful around her. She was good at taking orders, but I'm not sure how she'll be at giving them, how she'll do setting up this next stage. Watch your back."

He was quiet again. This time for too long. I got up, trying to act casual, and put the book back. I looked around the display case, but Doyle was gone. Figures.

Again, he left me a new set of questions. And a guilty feeling for pretending to read the book in the store. I hate people who do that.