I Shoulda Thoughta That..................

Last night, the phone rang. Not my phone, THE phone. Doyle wanted to meet this morning. And in a new place.

I may have mentioned before that I go to Dunkin' Donuts for breakfast - a lot. Especially this time of year, when they have their iced tea on sale. Any size for a buck. You can't beat that. The closest one to me is on St. George's Avenue, between Main and Green Streets, in Woodbridge proper. It's a 15 minute walk from my place. I used to go there a lot before I got my car. Not so much now.

Doyle wanted to meet at 9:30. I got to the small strip mall where the Dunkin' Donut shop was located very early, about 8:45, so I sat inside and had a chocolate chip muffin with my iced tea. At 9:15, I walked out of the store and turned left.

There's a park right next to the strip mall. Bernie Anderson Park. (It's not really much of a park. More of a narrow strip of grass alongside a road that runs between St. George and School Street.) Doyle wanted to meet in the park's gazebo.

It was cool there, in the gazebo, in the shade. I sat there with my iced tea, and waited for Doyle. It didn't take him long. He came walking up from the School Street side.

"Hey, Denny! How're ya doing? Told ya I'd be in touch more often." He came in smiling, wearing jeans, sneakers, and a golf shirt and carrying a cup of coffee from a deli on Main Street.
"Hi, Doyle. No suit today?"
"Nah. Decided I needed a break. Been pretty busy lately." He sat down and stretched out his legs. "Nice here. Remind me to thank Craig for finding this place."

We sat in the quiet for a while. Enjoying the stillness.

"OK. So, Doyle, why the meet? And why out in the open like this? Do you have something new on Gordon?"
"Not really. There hasn't been any sign of him for weeks. We're not sure why, but...let me ask you a few questions."
"Why? I don't know anything about Gordon."
"I know. Just humor me."
"Fine. What do you want to know?"
He paused, sipped his coffee, then nodded to himself.

"You take a lot of different pills for your heart, right? I mean,.. you know,.. since the transplant."
"Yeah. So?"
"Bear with me. What do you take?"
"You want the names?"
"No. Just what they're for."
"OK. I take something to control cholesterol.."
"Right. They switched you to a different one last month but you had ..call it a bad reaction, so they switched you back."

I looked at him.

"you don't miss a thing, do you?"
"We can't afford to. Now go on."
"Alright. I also take a couple of different pills at different times of the day to control blood pressure.."
"And you take these because?"
"As I understand it, when they took out my damaged heart, they severed the nerves. They didn't reattach them when they put in the new one. Because of that, I'll never feel it if I have a heart attack. I take these meds to reduce the risk."
Got it. Makes sense. But there are other ...meds...that you take that are even more important, aren't there?"
"Sure. The anti-rejections meds. I'm on a pretty low dose, but there are 2 different meds that I take. Each of them, twice a day, probably for the rest of my life."
Anti-rejection you said, right? So you take them to prevent your body from rejecting the new heart."
"Right. The meds are really immuno-suppressants. They suppress my immune system so that it doesn't attack the new heart. I believe every transplant patient has to take them, regardless of the replaced organ."

He was looking off into the distance during this part of the conversation. Now he nodded, and looked right at me.
"These are prescribed by your doctor, and supplied by your pharmacist, right? How does that work?"
"Really? well, the prescriptions are only valid for a couple of refills before they have to be renewed. And I do have regularly scheduled blood tests to see if the dosage on any of them needs to be changed."
"Why do they do that? Wouldn't the dosage stay the same?"
"No. There's a level that needs to be maintained. Too high and my other organs could be damaged, too low and my risk for rejection increases....Why the sudden interest in my health, Doyle?"
He smiled. "Sorry, Denny. It's not your health we're interested in. It's Gordon's. Remember, he's a transplant recipient too. And, we're pretty sure he hasn't been able to refill his anti-reject scrips for quite some time."

Now it was my turn to pause.

"You think that the reason he seems to have stopped has something to do with his no longer having his medications?"
"Some of the medical staff do. I'm not so sure. Anyway, he doesn't seem to be operating outside of New Jersey anymore. It's still our thinking that he's keeping tabs on you, and will eventually get in contact. If he is facing some kind of rejection situation, that may be sooner then later."
"What if....."
"What if.. what, Den?"
"What if he's dead already?" I said it.
"No. Not Gordon. He won't go out without some sort of gesture. All of the shrinks agree on that." He stood, shook his coffee cup to see if there was any left but threw it out anyway. "So do I."

I stood up too. We shook hands.

"Gotta go, Denny. Keep in touch and enjoy the weather."

He walked back towards School Street. I stayed there a while longer.

Sometimes, I Forget............

This cleaning-up-the-apartment thing I've been doing is coming to the end of it's 3rd week. I'm pretty much finished with the living room, and have started on my bedroom. (Actually, I'm done with the Living Room cleanup-wise, but I decided to hang some pictures on the wall behind the couch and I haven't found what I want for back there yet.)

Three weeks may seem like a lot of time for approximately 1 1/2 rooms but I'm taking my time. My routine has been to start as soon as I get up, and do one specific section at a time. I still had stuff in boxes from when I moved in, and had piled stuff on top of that over the last 15 years or so. I've been pretty brutal with some of the top stuff - throwing out what I figured I hadn't worn or used since the operation 3 1/2 years ago. It's the older stuff that causes me problems.

The older things have memories attached.

Memories can be tricky. We remember things the way we want them to be, which may not always be the case.

The older boxes held pictures, cards, and things from the old house and my old job. Memories of my daughter when she was young. My father when he was alive. Good memories.

And bad memories.

You can't get away from the bad memories. You can suppress them - forget them - but eventually something you come across brings them back. Dealing with them isn't easy but it has to be done. You have to accept them as they are, put them to rest, and move on.

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This morning was slightly cloudy but the day would be turning sunny. I decided not to do any cleaning and instead would head out to a couple of places that carry poster board copies of famous artists' works. I figured on getting some cheap prints for the living room. I needed gas, and would need cash. I used the ATM at the TD Bank across from ShopRite, and took the back way towards the cheap gas station I use. I passed by Pelzman Park which is tucked away in a back corner of Avenel. I saw the man just standing there, alone.

I had the Flasher out, and the passenger side window rolled down. There was no one else around. I slowed, and got closer. Then..

I passed him by. He was out in the open. Too open. It didn't seem sensible. I drove on.

After filling up, I headed back through Avenel towards St. George's Avenue. I figured on stopping at Dunkin Donuts for some breakfast to go, then heading towards the stores. Passing through one of the apartment complexes, I noticed someone walking up ahead.

Again, I was ready with the Flasher.

Again, I passed by. I just wasn't feeling it.

Before I got to Dunkin Donuts, I pulled into the PathMark parking lot. I wanted a copy of today's paper and some lottery tickets. I parked, then noticed that there was a woman sitting in the car a couple of spaces away.

 I went inside.

As I headed back to my car, I noticed that the woman was still in her car. I went to my passenger side, and opened that door. Now I was partly shielded. I looked around. No one was around, and the sun was starting to break through. I took the chance and turned.

Point, press, Flash.

I got in to my car, started the engine, and drove away.

After stopping in Dunkin Donuts, I hit the A. C. Moore's store in Linden without success. It was still early, so I drove down Route 1 to the Michael's outlet in North Brunswick. I found a reproduction of Van Gogh's "The Mulberry Tree" which I thought would look good on my wall. I headed home.

Near the Edison/Woodbridge border I fell in behind a school bus. Since it was only around 10:30, I figured there wouldn't be any kids on board so I wouldn't be making any unexpected stops.

Well, there weren't any stops, but he was driving slowly and there was no way to get around him. And it took him a while to get going after a stop light. On Chain of Hills Road, he crossed over into the oncoming lane whenever he took a curve. My guess was that he was distracted. Probably on a cell phone.

Finally, we approached the light at St. George's and there was now an extra lane for turns. He went to the left, and I went right.

 I couldn't see the driver, but there was something I could do. A quick look around. No one there.

Point, press, Flash.

I aimed at the bus itself. I'd forgotten that the Flasher would drain the power out of a motor vehicle. I moved on. He didn't.

Sometimes, it pays to remember.

Ch-ch-ch-changes.....

My daughter and son-in-law recently bought a house. She decided that she'd like to have the dining room set that I had lying around. Now you have to understand that I'd brought the set with me when I'd sold the house in Monmouth County and moved to my apartment in Woodbridge. That means that I crammed almost 8 rooms of furniture  and personal things into a 4 room apartment. Needless to say, the dining room set was shoved in wherever possible, ans several of the pieces wound up being used for other purposes.

Oh,.....the set consists of a table with 4 legs and 2 leaves, 2 captain's chairs, and 4 regular chairs. All wooden.

I've had to rearranged other furniture, and find replacements for several of the chairs. This got me to take a hard look at how I was living and I decided to make some changes. I'd become sort of a pack rat these last few years and it was time to get rid of a lot of unnecessary junk.

I'd been doing this for a day or two, taking my time. The hard part is learning the difference between what is needed and what isn't. I was getting good at it when part of the living room ceiling fell down. There'd been a crack developing, which I'd notified the landlord about, but the kid upstairs - apparently - took up clog dancing and that was that. The landlord sent someone over this morning to do repairs and I had to leave because of the amount of plaster dust that was floating around.

I had not intended to go out, so I had no particular plan to follow, and no particular place to go. I stopped at a local Dunkin' Donuts for breakfast,and was eating at a small table by the window when the phone rang. Not MY phone, THE phone. The one passed to me over 3 months ago in Barnes & Nobles by one of Doyle's agents. I picked it up.

"Hello?"
"Denny, go some place where you'll be completely alone. I'll call you back it an hour."
He hung up, but I recognized Doyle's voice. I took my muffin and iced tea and went back to my car. Finding an isolated place wasn't going to be easy.

Since I only had an hour, I drove to Merrill Park first and although the parking lots were pretty empty, I didn't see a spot that provided the isolation I needed. I headed towards Roosevelt Park. As I drove up towards the entrance I normally used, I passed a parking lot for those who use the tennis courts.

There was no one there, and as I only had about 10 minutes left, I pulled in there. I ate the rest of my muffin, and had most of the tea while I waited. The phone rang.

"Doyle?"?
"Hi, Denny, how's it going?"
"I'm good. How're you? Is everything OK? What's up?"
"Everything's good, Denny. Just wanted to touch base. I know it's been a while so I wanted to assure you that we're still watching you. From a distance..you know. Like we discussed the last time."
"I know. Has there been any sightings? Has anyone seen Gordon? Do you know where he is?"
A pause. I've learned that it's never a good thing when Doyle pauses.

"No, Denny. No one's seen Gordon. And we still don't know where he is, exactly."
This was it..the reason he'd contacted me. It was something to do with Gordon.


"What do you mean, exactly?"
"Well, we know he was operating in the Jersey/Pennsylvania/Delaware triangle up until about 2 weeks ago. In fact, he'd been too active, staging Events every 2 or 3 days. Randomly...you know...all over. There was no way to predict where he'd strike. And, we were still pretty sure that he was keeping tabs on you. Then, after you participated in that Donate Life ceremony at JFK, he seems to have stopped. He's changed. There's been nothing."
"Is there any danger? Should I be worried?"
"No. We don't think so. Like I've said before, we think he has an attachment to you."

It was my turn to pause. I had this "light bulb" moment.

"Doyle, wasn't Gordon originally meant to be the second "me"? The second member of The Project?"
"Sure. But he was picked by Jones' people, and you know it hasn't turned out well."
"I know, but he was also a transplant recipient, right?"
"Yeah. It seemed to be the best way to control the selection process and implant the tracker. Why do you ask that?"
"Bear with me a little." I was thinking out loud. "I got involved with that Donate Life thing because I've been feeling that I should be paying back for being alive. I don't know if you can understand that. I've been feeling lately that I'm here for a reason, that I ought to be doing something constructive."
"OK. I guess I can understand that. So..what? Do you think Gordon is having some sort of similar experience?"
"Maybe. Or he isn't and thinks he should be. I'm not sure. Either way, I think he's stopped to reevaluate things."
"And when he's finished doing that..what?"
"I don't know. Maybe more of the same. Maybe not. I just don't know. Do you have any ideas?"
"No. But I have people for that. Thanks for the insight, Denny. Watch your back, and I promise to be in touch more often."

He hung up. I sat there going over what I'd said. There was something nagging at me, but I couldn't quite grasp it. As I sat there, another car pulled into the lot and stopped parallel to me, but several spaces away.

Why did he pull in here? Why had he parked there when the rest of the lot was empty?

I didn't care. I lowered the passenger side window and stared at him. He didn't look back.

Point, press, Flash.

I'd had enough changes for one day. I drove home.

Being Prepared................

I usually get up between 7 and 8 each morning. Oh sure, sometimes I have to get up earlier for an appointment and sometimes I do like to sleep in, but usually I'm up between 7 and 8. And I prefer to do it on my own. This morning, I was still in bed, semi-awake, when I was startled by a loud, annoying sound. There was nothing I could see from my bedroom window, but from the living room I could see a guy demolishing a set of steps to the dentists office across the street - with a jackhammer. I was not happy.

After getting dressed - and finishing my morning routine - I left my apartment and headed for my car. As I warmed it up, I could see the guy just jackhammering away across the street.

I drove down a couple of blocks, then did a u-turn. No one else was around. I lowered my passenger side window as I headed back up the block.

Still no one around. Just the guy with the jackhammer, drilling away. I got closer.

I slowed as I got closer.

Point, press, Flash.

I saw him start to slump over as I reached the corner and turned right. I could still hear the jackhammer. I headed to the Main Library.

Yesterday, I received a news release for a Donate Life Month Ceremony to be held on Wednesday at JFK Memorial Hospital in Edison, and I wanted to print out a copy.

(Digression...April is Donate Life Month and, as a recent volunteer with The Sharing Network, I had helped in setting up this event. The mayors of both Edison and Woodbridge, where I live, will be issuing a joint Proclamation and raising the Donate Life flag in front of the hospital. I was asked to attend as a representative of the recipient community)

When I got to the library, and pulled into the back lot facing the back of the high school, I noticed an older man leaning against the car next to where I parked.

I went inside, signed out a computer with Internet access, and printed out the news release. When I got back to my car, I noticed that the old man was still beside his car. I lowered my window and backed out so that he was on my side. It was still early and this back lot was empty except for the 2 of us.

There was no one around. There were no cars passing by.

Point, press, Flash.

I drove out of the lot, circling the library, and wound up on St. George's Avenue. I decided to drive over to JFK Hospital and check it out.

It only took about 15 minutes to get there, and I turned right up the drive towards the Main Entrance. The ceremony would be held at the flagpole just outside.The only problem I could see was that the parking situation was terrible. I drove around the complex for another 15 minutes or so without finding a single space. I did notice a sign for valet parking at a cost of only $2.00.

Not having anything else to do, I kept circling the complex and finally found a parking spot behind one of the out buildings. I parked and started walking towards the Main Entrance but realized  that this was just way too far to be walking and decided to come over really early on Wednesday and if I couldn't find a spot, opt for valet parking.

As I turned back, I noticed an electrician's truck parked to my left. The driver was just climbing into the back and had both doors open. I started looking around. There were a number of people walking around, but they looked like they were focused on where they were going. And it was a bright, sunny day. I held the Flasher down by my leg.

I passed close by the back of the truck, looking around as I did. No one was looking towards me and the driver had his back to me.

Point, press, Flash.

I got back in my car and headed home. I'd scouted out the area I would be in on Wednesday.

I was prepared.

Inconveniences................

When you're a little kid, you have no real sense of time. It's generalized. Meal times, bath times, bed times - they're controlled by your parents. Summer time, winter time, inside or outside playtime - those are controlled by the weather. Either way, it's out of your control and all you know is that every day is as long as it needs to be.

Then you go to school. And they teach you how to tell time. And you realize that your life is more regimented then you knew. All those times your parents controlled are based on the clock.

That's when you begin to grow up.

And you go through school...and you get a job....maybe you get married and have children....and you think there aren't enough hours in the day. And you look forward to that time that you can finally retire and have all that free time to do whatever you want.

It doesn't always work that way.

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I had that potential carcinoma removed last week. It was right below my left eye, close to my nose. For a couple of days, I had a bandage covering it. Now, it's just a huge scab that I apply anti-bacterial cream to twice a day. Since I wear glasses, it's partly hidden, but I have to admit that I'm self-conscious about it and imagine it to be larger then it is

Add that to the fact that I'd spent a lot of time last month doing some volunteer work, only to have it go to waste (or so I imagine) and you might be able to imagine my aggravation. I'd incurred some expenses, and a great deal of inconvenience, and I was itching to do something.

Today, with the sun shining brightly for the first time in a few days, I got in the car and headed for Monmouth County. A nice day for a drive and oldies on the radio. The first place I stopped was a library in Hazlet.

There's a parking lot that it shares with the Municipal Building, but there's also another lot around to the side to handle the overflow. (The library doesn't actually get any overflow, but the Municipal Building contains the Police Department and the local court, so a couple of times a week they do). I drove into the overflow lot first. It's hidden from the main road by a stand of trees, and faces the back of a small office building on the next street. I saw an older man on the connecting path to the library. I pulled into a nearby spot and waited. There were only 3 other cars there. The old man approached one to my left and opened his trunk. I backed out.

I backed up far enough so that he was between my car and the office building, lowering my window as I did.

Point, press, Flash.

He slumped forward, hidden by the open trunk, and I drove away.

I headed for Middletown, and the library there.

I usually only check out the sale books in the main room, but I decided to wander through the stacks. (For those of you who don't know library vernacular, "the stacks" is how we refer to the rows and rows of books). That's when I saw the young man.

It was pretty empty in the library, but I decided against an Event here. I was pretty far back in the building and I didn't want to take the chance of anyone stumbling on him while I was still in there. I went back to my car and drove away.

As I headed back, on the spur of the moment, I turned off and headed for Sayreville. They have a library there that I haven't been to in a while.

There was some construction going on, but they were open. I wondered around for a minute or two and then I saw her. She was sitting in a chair by one of the windows on the far side, reading a book.

I passed her and walked around through the nearby stacks. No one was in this area. I came up on her from behind again.

Point, press, Flash.

She sagged forward and I proceeded towards the front of the library.

I left, got in my car, and sat there for a while. No one came running out. No police or ambulance came in.

I drove away.

For now, I could forgive the inconveniences.

Parks and.................

I have this friend who reads a lot of those self help books. You know, the "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" kind of thing. To me, if you don't sweat the small stuff they turn into big stuff and then it may be too late. It's better to get them when they're small enough to manage. Of course, there are the one's that are out of your control.

I've heard from the dermatologist and the biopsy on the sample he took from my face is 98% OK, but that 2% could be a carcinoma. That was always a possibility due to the imuno-suppressants I take, but I didn't think it likely. So now, I have to go back next week and have it scraped and cauterized. You see, this is a small thing that I had to sweat, or it might've turn into something bigger.

I needed to do something to take my mind off of it. I took a ride to Merrill Park. I parked in the first lot I came to, and lowered the windows, just wanting to breathe in the warm morning air and eat a breakfast bar. That's when I saw the park worker on his little mini-truck.

I got out, and followed behind as he rode along, cleaning up the area. I had the Flasher out by my side but it didn't look like I was going to get a chance. Then , off to the side amongst the trees, I saw the old man. He was dressed in layers of heavy clothing, and I remembered seeing him pedaling his bike up the hill as I entered the park.

I turned away from the park worker, and angled toward the old man. He was isolated, probably on purpose. And there was no one else within sight. I moved to the right, and circled back around towards him.

I came up behind him.

He never turned around. He was focused on whatever he was doing. I approached as quietly as I could, looking around constantly to make sure there was no one else about.

Point, press, Flash.

He sagged over the table as I passed by on my way back to my car.

I thought about the other parks I'd staged Events in over the last year or so and decided to visit the ones near by. I was in Avenel, and decided to head to Roosevelt Park in Edison.

Being out early on a weekday has an advantage. Most of the other park visitors are older people, and they are usually focused on their walking, jogging, or whatever. I parked and walked around. There were a few possibilities, but the geographics didn't work. Until I saw this guy walking towards me

We were on the far side of the lake and I had just passed a copse of trees, but he was heading towards them. I stopped, pretending to stretch and catch my breath, and he walked past me. He was wearing headphones, so he'd never hear me coming up behind him.

I turned and followed, checking around me constantly. There were walkers on the other side of the lake, but no one near by. I narrowed the gap as we approached the trees.

Point, press, Flash.

I moved on, back to the parking lot and got into my car.

Two down, one to go. Alvin Williams Memorial Park in Sewaren.

It took about 20 minutes to get there, so it was close to 10 AM by the time I parked. There were people wandering the paths, jogging, dog-walking, whatever. Still, it was early enough to provide some opportunities. I got out and headed towards the path along side the bay. I decided to sit on one of the benches and see if anyone would pass by, rather then wander around. It didn't take long. I saw him coming from the left.

He was moving along at a good clip,and I fell in behind him, waiting for my chance. Again, I got lucky. The section by the refinery was coming up and it tends to be overgrown, partly - I think - to keep the ugly building hidden. I closed in.

Point, press, Flash.

I finished the circuit and got back in my car.

There's no place like a park for a little recreation.

Side Effects...............

Because of the transplant, I take a whole bunch of pills. Most of them in the morning, and the rest around supper time. The prescription ones, obviously, deal with my heart. They control blood pressure, cholesterol, and rejection. By and large, I have no problem with any of them, except Cellcept.

Cellcept is an anti-rejection medicine. And it has an unpleasant side effect on my digestive system from time to time. The first time it happened, I was hospitalized for a week, and they wound up lowering the dose. It's one of those lesser-of-two-evils situations, since the anti-rejection benefit outweighs the personal discomfort.

But these anti-rejection meds have to also be viewed as immuno-suppressants. Basically, they suppress my immune system so it's natural reaction to attack anything invasive - like my new heart - doesn't kick in. One of the things my cardiologist's office has told me to do is to see a Dermatologist because I am now more susceptible to skin cancers. In fact, 70% of transplant recipients gets some form of skin cancer within 20 years of the operation.

I'd been putting it off, but I finally made an appointment and saw a Dermatologist this past Monday. I wasn't expecting anything other then a quick exam and maybe a recommendation for a moisturizer. What I got was a needle in the face, a slice taken out, and a laser cauterization. Apparently, the doctor didn't like something and decided to take a sample and send it out to be tested. Not having heard anything by yesterday, I called and found out it takes 1 to 2 weeks to get the results back.

 Now, I was frustrated. Not that I was particularly worried about it. I knew the chances, and I knew that whatever it was can be taken care of. I just didn't think it should take that long to test something that small.

And it dawned on me that there'd been not contact from Doyle, or the Delaware subject, Gordon, even though I'd staged that Event a couple of weeks ago.

Like I said, frustrated.

This morning, I went for a drive. I wasn't going anywhere in particular, but I wanted to do something to relieve the frustration. It was overcast, and raining on and off, so there weren't a lot of people out. But I did come up behind a mailman taking some stuff out of the back of his van.

I was tempted, but the problem here was that the area was wide open, and I was pretty sure he'd see me if I were to pull over and since he'd be going up to the front of people's houses, I didn't want to take any chances.

I drove on. But I was definitely itching.

I headed up Route 27, but changed my mind and pulled into the WalMart shopping area to turn back. Driving around the back, there was this guy looking at something in his engine. I slowed down.

The Flasher was in my hand, and I lowered the driver's side window. I checked all my mirrors. There was no one else around. I came up along side him.

Point, press, Flash.

I drove past. In my side view mirror, I could see him slumped into the engine, propped there like he was still standing.

I drove back to Metuchen. The sky started to clear. I was feeling better.

I decided to stop at the library, so I turned onto School Street and parked. That's when I noticed this old man walking on the other side of the street. I got out and crossed over. I wound up following behind him.

He walked just passed the library, and turned right, between the library and the next door dentist's office. There's a small pathway there. It's not used very often.

I followed him in, looking around all the time. No one. Nothing. And he never turned around.

Point, press, Flash.

I turned around quickly, retracing my steps, and went into the library. I spent about 20 minutes inside. When I came out, there was no activity. Everything was normal. I got into my car and drove home.

I was feeling good.

There are side effects to all sorts of things.