Side Effects...............

Because of the transplant, I take a whole bunch of pills. Most of them in the morning, and the rest around supper time. The prescription ones, obviously, deal with my heart. They control blood pressure, cholesterol, and rejection. By and large, I have no problem with any of them, except Cellcept.

Cellcept is an anti-rejection medicine. And it has an unpleasant side effect on my digestive system from time to time. The first time it happened, I was hospitalized for a week, and they wound up lowering the dose. It's one of those lesser-of-two-evils situations, since the anti-rejection benefit outweighs the personal discomfort.

But these anti-rejection meds have to also be viewed as immuno-suppressants. Basically, they suppress my immune system so it's natural reaction to attack anything invasive - like my new heart - doesn't kick in. One of the things my cardiologist's office has told me to do is to see a Dermatologist because I am now more susceptible to skin cancers. In fact, 70% of transplant recipients gets some form of skin cancer within 20 years of the operation.

I'd been putting it off, but I finally made an appointment and saw a Dermatologist this past Monday. I wasn't expecting anything other then a quick exam and maybe a recommendation for a moisturizer. What I got was a needle in the face, a slice taken out, and a laser cauterization. Apparently, the doctor didn't like something and decided to take a sample and send it out to be tested. Not having heard anything by yesterday, I called and found out it takes 1 to 2 weeks to get the results back.

 Now, I was frustrated. Not that I was particularly worried about it. I knew the chances, and I knew that whatever it was can be taken care of. I just didn't think it should take that long to test something that small.

And it dawned on me that there'd been not contact from Doyle, or the Delaware subject, Gordon, even though I'd staged that Event a couple of weeks ago.

Like I said, frustrated.

This morning, I went for a drive. I wasn't going anywhere in particular, but I wanted to do something to relieve the frustration. It was overcast, and raining on and off, so there weren't a lot of people out. But I did come up behind a mailman taking some stuff out of the back of his van.

I was tempted, but the problem here was that the area was wide open, and I was pretty sure he'd see me if I were to pull over and since he'd be going up to the front of people's houses, I didn't want to take any chances.

I drove on. But I was definitely itching.

I headed up Route 27, but changed my mind and pulled into the WalMart shopping area to turn back. Driving around the back, there was this guy looking at something in his engine. I slowed down.

The Flasher was in my hand, and I lowered the driver's side window. I checked all my mirrors. There was no one else around. I came up along side him.

Point, press, Flash.

I drove past. In my side view mirror, I could see him slumped into the engine, propped there like he was still standing.

I drove back to Metuchen. The sky started to clear. I was feeling better.

I decided to stop at the library, so I turned onto School Street and parked. That's when I noticed this old man walking on the other side of the street. I got out and crossed over. I wound up following behind him.

He walked just passed the library, and turned right, between the library and the next door dentist's office. There's a small pathway there. It's not used very often.

I followed him in, looking around all the time. No one. Nothing. And he never turned around.

Point, press, Flash.

I turned around quickly, retracing my steps, and went into the library. I spent about 20 minutes inside. When I came out, there was no activity. Everything was normal. I got into my car and drove home.

I was feeling good.

There are side effects to all sorts of things.

Like Riding a Bicycle.................

I've realized lately that a lot has changed since I had the transplant. I don't mean physically, that goes without saying. I mean mentally. I've changed the way I look at things. How I approach them. Take, for example, decisions.

I used to procrastinate more.

When I was working, that worked out more often then not. By not making quick decisions, I was able to gather more information and let my subconscious process it. I'm not saying I always made the right choice, but it felt right at the time.

There's nothing wrong with a quick decision, of course. Especially if you already have enough information to make it. In fact, I saved the Firm a 60 million dollar client by making a quick decision on how to change the presentation of certain data. Still.............

It's been a little more then 2 weeks since I last spoke to Doyle. A little more then 2 weeks since he'd asked me back in. I'd hesitated at first. After all, I'd spent the last few months not indulging, trying to get back to normal. And yet..when Doyle made the proposal...I ultimately took it.

Why?

I could use the "He's a bad guy and we need to catch him, so thet need me to stage an Event or two to draw him out" excuse, but after a few days of letting it swim around in my subconscious I know the real answer.

I missed it.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This past week we had some really great days, weather-wise. Mid-week, we actually hit the 60's. I decided to drive around in Avenel, since it was the site of my initial Events. I wound up yesterday in Merrill Park, walking the track early, looking for a potential Event. I was getting..itchy. And then I saw him..

There were only a few people out, and the man in blue was all by himself, wearing headphones, and oblivious to what was going on around him. I let him pass, and fell in behind him. We followed the track for about 15 minutes, and I started checking the area for other people. Things seemed to be going my way. As we rounded the far bend, I saw that we were heading in the direction of the parking lot where I'd left my car.

Damn! There were people there who hadn't been there when I'd pulled in. I slowed, and watched as about 4 or 5 people started out onto the track around the man in blue.

This wasn't going to work. I went back into the lot, got into my car, and drove off. Frustrated.

I drove around for about 15 minutes, and finally pulled into a parking lot for a local FoodTown, which was on a slight hill. I sat there in my car, my head back and my eyes closed, trying to calm down. After about 10 minutes or so, I looked up and saw that some woman had pulled in beside me and was staring at me. Thinking that maybe she was concerned, I smiled and waved at her.

No reaction. She just kept looking in my direction.

I took a deep breathe, and thought about what I'd been doing, and why I was in this particular parking lot. I looked around as I did so.

No one around. Nothing moving. I looked over at the woman again. She was still looking in my direction.

Point, press, Flash.

She slumped over. I started my car and drove away.

For better or worse, I'm committed now.

Arc 7

New Year, Old Business...........

The holiday season has been over for about a week now. I think it went well. The weather was warmer then normal, there wasn't any snow, and I didn't have to travel out of state. All things that I consider pluses. Add to this the fact that I didn't have to hassle with returning anything, and I figure that I came out ahead this year.

For the last week the weather has been more seasonal - colder, and down-right frigid at times. Add in the record wind gusts and the constantly overcast skies, and I could understand how people can get depressed at this time of year. In fact, there were some news reports of a study that the 3rd Monday in January is the most depressing day of the year. I've gone out every day but not for long, preferring to stay indoors.

Today, though still windy, dawned bright and sunny. I'd texted with my daughter, and we'd agreed to meet for lunch so I would grab a quick breakfast at Dunkin' Donuts, and maybe hit up a library or two. I decided to drive over to Barnes & Nobles, since I'd gotten a couple of gift cards on Christmas. There were very few people browsing around when I got there.

I didn't have anything specific in mind, so I started in the Discount Book section on the first floor. I spotted a biography of Lincoln and remembering that there was a book out about him being a vampire hunter, I went over to one of the store's computers to see if it was in paperback, and in stock. That's when I first noticed the woman in the brown coat.

I thought she had been glancing in my direction, but she then seemed to get a phone message and walked away. I found the book I was looking for was in stock, and took the escalator to the 2nd floor, and walked over to the Fiction section - stopping first in the Graphic Novels section in case there was something there that caught my eye. Nothing. On to Fiction.

I turned into the aisle where the book would be, and there was the woman in the brown coat. She held a book in her hands, and was looking at her phone again. She put the phone in her pocket and without turning towards me showed me an ID Card from DHS that she held behind the book.
"Keep looking for your book, Mr. O'Neill. Agent Doyle sent me. I'm going to walk by you now, and slip a phone into your jacket pocket. Don't react. Keep looking for your book, or pick one out and look through it. Don't leave for about ten minutes. Agent Doyle will call you on the new phone around 2:00."

She brushed passed me and left. I waited the ten minutes, thumbing through the pages of the Lincoln book but not really reading it, then I left. I resisted the urge to look at the phone till I was back in my car. I checked it out for a while, but I had lunch plans, and drove away.

I got home around 1:00, made some tea, put the TV on, and read the paper while I was waiting. Doyle called at ten to two.
"Hi, Denny. How're you doing?"
"I'm good, Doyle, as I'm sure you know. How're you, and what's with all this cloak-and-dagger stuff?"
"Precautions, Denny. I've spent the last month working with our shrinks and we've come up with a theory and a plan to deal with the Delaware subject."
"You mean Del?"
"Yeah, but his real name is Art Gordon, no middle..."
"Wait a minute..wait.. A. G. are his initials? Craig said you didn't know what those letters stood for?"
"Need to know, Denny. Sorry. I didn't want you getting suspicious of anyone you ran into with those initials. Craig was following my orders. Okay?"

I thought about it for a minute or two, but frankly couldn't find any real reason to be upset about it.

"Yeah, OK, go on with what you were saying."
 His name is Art Gordon, no middle initial. He was born with a heart condition, so he spent a lot of time indoors and studied a lot. Mostly mechanics and electronics. Has a PHD and holds several patents. Your typical, quiet guy next door."
"You mean, as in "..he was such a quiet guy."?"
"HA..Yeah. Like that. He was working for the University of Delaware when he had a seizure and wound up in the hospital needing a transplant. That's where we stepped in."
"I'm familiar with the process."
"Right. Anyway, you know that Mr. Jones pushed for him, and it turned out that he's a psychopath, Being a mechanical genius, he's also managed to block our tracking signal and seems to be one step ahead of us. With me so far?"

I said that I was. Doyle took his time, gathering his thoughts, I guessed.

"One of our shrinks has come up with a new theory. She believes that Gordon sent you that newspaper message because he wants your approval. She thinks that he looks up to you as being the first and he wants to impress you. But you haven't been active in months, so he's following you. Watching you to see when you'll do something. And, she thinks that's why he let you see him last month. So you know that he's out there and he's waiting on you."
"Is that why you passed this new phone to me? Because he's watching me?"
"Yes. We didn't want to take any chances with him. He might also be monitoring your calls and texts, and we know he can check you mail"
"Should I be worried?"
"I don't think so. Honestly, if he wanted to do something, he would have already. Our shrink thinks he admires you, but hates us. Whatever."
I paused, and let that sink in.

"So what's the plan?"
"The plan is for you to get back in the game. We believe that he's waiting to approach you until after you stage an Event. He'll follow you until then, and so will we. 24/7. When he makes a move, so do we. Mr. Jones wants this situation taken care of ASAP, and has approved any and all costs associated with it."

"I don't know, Doyle. I haven't done anything in months.I'm not sure that I want to."
"Denny. We need you to do this. He's still out there, and he's still working. Somehow, he's following you, and still able to stage Events in Philadelphia and upstate New Jersey. We need to stop him...I need to stop him."

I thought about it, but what else could I do?

"Alright, I'm in. I know he needs to be stopped. I just don't know where or when I'll do anything."
"That's all I can ask, Denny. If you want to contact me, use this phone. It also has a built in tracker to back up your implant, just in case he gets in contact and blocks your signal too."

He paused.

"We have your back, Denny. Don't worry about it, OK?"
"Yeah, sure."
"Thanks, Denny. I'll let you think about it, and I'll be in touch."

He hung up.

Looks like I was back, again.

Children Laughing, People Passing.........

You know how, sometimes, you wake up in the middle of the night and it's dark, and quiet, and for a moment you're disoriented - you don't know where you are. This has happened to me - several times - recently. And in those brief moments - that uncertainty - I think that I'm still in the hospital, before the operation, and that the last 3 years were all a dream. Then I roll over and see the redly glowing, digital time display on the cable box. And I can breathe again. And go back to sleep.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It wasn't easy, at first, but I've kept myself in check this past month. This is not to say that I haven't been aggravated, haven't been tempted to use the Flasher. But I had resolved to control that impulse before my last meeting with Craig and I've held myself to it. There were so many instances...

- the drivers who cut me off, the speeders, and the too-slows;
- the shoppers who pushed me aside, or hit me with their carts, or didn't have their money ready;
- the people arguing too loudly on their cell phones, treating their waiters/waitresses badly, or just thinking they're better then everyone else.

I might have followed them - before - but not now. Now, I'm trying to let things go. Not hold them in. Not let them get to me. Not pay so much attention to individual people. It hasn't been easy, especially now that the Christmas season has started.

The weather has been kind of strange lately. It's been unseasonably warm until the last few days, and the damp rainy days we've had haven't helped to bring on the festive mood. But, I do what I can.

I like the Holidays... partly. It annoys me that the music and ads start earlier and earlier each year. But I can usually get that Christmasy feeling when shopping for presents (though I try to never go to the malls or big-box stores on weekends because of the crowds).

I got almost all of my shopping done early, so I'm only looking for one more thing, just not sure of what it will be. Today, I figured to check out the Menlo Park Mall early and got there just after the anchor stores opened, but before the smaller ones did. I figured on wandering through, window-shopping. It was not crowded.

The mall walkers were out, of course, and the employees for the smaller stores were arriving, or eating breakfast in the Food Court. There were some shoppers, and quite a few mothers with their kids in strollers - all dressed up for a picture with Santa.

I walked along the lower level first I was even enjoying the subtle sounds of the piped in carols. There was no pushing, no screaming, (the calm before the storm). I took one of the escalators up to the second level passing by the entrance to Macy's, when out of the corner of my eye, I noticed someone walk by.

There was no real reason to notice him, and yet...there was............ something. I stopped outside of Old Navy, and tried to figure it out. What was it?

Then it hit me...the jacket! I'd seen the jacket before. More probably, I'd seen the guy wearing that jacket before...and recently. But where? I couldn't remember.

I turned back. He wasn't in sight but the escalator was close by. I went to the railing and looked down. At the bottom of the escalator, I could see him looking up as if searching for someone. He was wearing a baseball cap now, but I could tell he stopped searching when he spotted me. He saluted in my direction, then spun around and walked out of view.

I started after him but I knew I'd never catch him. There was an exit to a parking lot, an entrance to the Macy's, and several smaller shops down there. He could've gone anywhere.

I reached the First Floor, but he was gone.

Why did I recognize the jacket? Who was he?

Why was he at the mall? And, why had he acknowledged me?

I had the questions, but no answers.

I mulled it over as I headed back to where I parked my car. The way I saw it, there were only two possible answers.
1. I'm over-reacting, possibly a bit paranoid. But I'm sure that I've seen that jacket before, and why did he salute in my direction? Or..........
2. It was Del. He's following me for some reason - again.
Either way, I needed to contact Doyle. I'd call the number I had as soon as I got into my car and had some privacy.

That turned out to be unnecessary.

 Doyle was standing by my car when I got there. We shook hands.
"I was just about to call you."
"Are you OK?"
"Sure..Why wouldn't I be?"
"The Tracker on our Delaware subject popped back up about 1/2 an hour ago showing that he was here in the Mall. A quick check also showed that you were here too, and in close proximity. Did anyone speak to you..approach you in any way?"
"No. But there was someone and that was why I was going to contact you." I told him what had happened. I told him about the jacket. He asked what the guy looked like, and I told him what I could.

He rubbed his face with his hand. He looked tired.

"Was it him?... Del?... The guy I saw?"
He was quiet for a minute or two, then nodded his head slowly. "Sounds like it may have been, given the circumstances."
"Why?..Why is he doing this?..."
"We don't know...He's playing us...He's got some kind of agenda but we can't figure it out. I'm sorry, Denny, we just don't know."
"So you think he's, what, using me to rub your nose in it? He's laughing at you, and he wants you to know it? Is that it?"

Doyle ran his fingers through his hair and paced back and forth. He was trying to control himself.

"Maybe, Denny, but I'm getting sick of it." He paused, and rolled his neck, "We're gonna get him." He said softly. "We're gonna get him if it's the last thing I do." His eyes were hard.

His phone went off, but he ignored it.
"I'll be in touch, Denny. As soon as I work out a few things, I'll be in touch."
He turned quickly and walked away, pulling out his phone.

I stood there staring after him, long after he'd gotten into his SUV and drove away.

.............Who Was Not There

The first thing I did on Friday, after I found that crayoned note in my newspaper, was to leave a message at the number that Doyle had given me. I heard nothing back for the rest of the day, and nothing on Saturday, either. Sunday I got a text. Basically, it said to do whatever I planned to do on Monday, and someone would find me.

I really had no plans for today, but I went out and stopped at a few places.

 First, ShopRite to check out their sales. I picked up a few things. Next, P. C. Richards. My car radio died and I wanted to check out one that they had on sale (with free installation). I'm actually kind of iffy on this, and since no one came over to offer any help, I just left. Maybe I'll check to see if it's really just a problem with a fuse.

No contact so far.

I decided to take the long way to Target, so I got some coffee at Dunkin' Donuts, and turned down the side road. The evidence of last weekend's storm is still lying all over. Tree branches are stacked at curb sides all along the residential streets, and there was at least one spot that still had evidence of a downed power line problem. It's been like this for over a week. Thank God, I didn't have any problem, but I did feel kind of bad for people upstate who still have no power.

I checked out a few things in Target, but didn't buy. As I left the store, I saw Craig standing by my car.

"Hey, Craig. Thanks for coming out."
"No problem, Mr. O'Neill. I understand you have something from our Delaware subject?"

I opened the car, and took the newspaper out.

"From Del? Yeah. Here. I don't know what you can do with it."
"Probably nothing, but I'll let the lab boys try anyway."
"You're not questioning that this is a message from Del?"
"No. We're pretty sure that it is."
"Then there's something I don't understand....He seems to be claiming that he caused these..this...Event. How could that be? Don't you guys keep these things out of the papers?"

Craig put the newspaper in a plastic envelope he took from the side pocket of his jacket.

"We thought the subject, or rather Del, was in Pennsylvania. There were.....indications. It doesn't matter now. He blindsided us."
"OK. But how did it get into the newspaper?"
""Look, Mr. O'Neill, you were here last weekend. That storm wreaked havoc all over the area. There are still problems."
"I know. I've seen some of the damage."
"With all due respect, sir, the damage upstate was much worse. When we were notified that his Flasher had been used, we mobilized right away. But we just couldn't get in there without attracting attention."

He paused, and I waited him out.

"the People Upstairs decided that we could use the storm damage situation to disguise what happened. So we had one agent slip in, and set it up to look like carbon monoxide poisoning...I'm not proud of it, but there it is."
"It wasn't you, was it?"
"No...No, thank God. But it was one of us....It just didn't seem right.."

I didn't bother to argue with him. After all, I'd never bothered to ask what happened with the other Events in the past.

"Well, should I be worried that Del sent this to me?"
"No. Our shrinks think that he's happy to get into the papers, so he reached out to someone he felt would understand. We don't think you're in any trouble. They think he's just showing off."
"Damn. All right. well, what about what appeared to be initials..the A. G.?"
"We don't know. It may be that he's using an alias. They're definitely not his real ones."
"What are his real ones?"
He grinned at me.
I just stood there a while,, nodding my head. This time, Craig waited me out.

"So....status quo, huh? Keep doing what I do, and you'll let me know whatever you think I should know?"
"Yes sir. For now. But feel free to contact us whenever you have a question, or something..." he held up the envelope, "..comes up."
"Thanks, Craig."
"Have a good one, Mr. O'Neill."

He walked away. I got in my car and drove home.

The Little Man.............

For the last 2 1/2 weeks, I've been feeling guilty. I was stressing over some test results, and used the Flasher to take it out on some people who annoyed me. I had reacted quickly, without really thinking about the consequences. Luckily there were none. No one saw me, and no one - so far - has called me on it.

Now, I'm coming up on my 3rd Anniversary as a transplant recipient. I'm reliving all those "good to be alive" feelings. This is leading to a lot of regret at having played along with Doyle and DHS. At first, of course, I felt like I had no choice, but later.......?

What's that quote.."Power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely"..?

When there was a quota - deadlines - it was different. When Doyle, or Givings, or Craig was in the picture, I guess I justified what I did as being part of The Project. Now that it's only me, I have to admit that I let it go to my head.

I had power.

I had power, and I used it.

I had power, and I used it,.. wrongly.

I know that things have changed at the DHS. I've been led to believe that someone - hopefully, Doyle - would eventually contact me about The Project. I'll have to control the urges until they do.

Not stop..control. After all, they didn't take the Flasher back. They must want me to continue using it. Just not so much for my own gratification.

Today was to be the first day of my new resolve. I got up around 8, and ran through my morning routine and checked my emails. I went out.

I put my wash in a machine, picked up the paper and some lottery tickets, and did some food shopping. I picked up my wash, had breakfast at Mickey D's, and picked up a sandwich at Subways.
I went home. Put away the wash and the groceries, turned on the TV, made some tea, and sat down to read the paper. I didn't get too far.

Scrawled in what looked like crayon was the message.."Denny, Mine! A. G. (Del)".. next to a circled  sidebar article about a couple being found dead during the power outage.

What?...... How?............Who?............

It was addressed to me.

I don't buy my paper at the same place every day, and I don't always take the top copy, so it couldn't be a set up. The paper had been in my car when I was picking up my wash, eating, and buying the sandwich. Could someone have gotten at it then? Why?

It was addressed to me. And it looked like "Del" inside the parenthesis.

The article was about a couple who died, supposedly by carbon dioxide poisoning. But what if it was Del, the DHS subject from Delaware?

And why would he be doing this..sending me this message?

Who, or what, did the letters "A. G." stand for?

Too many questions, and no answers at all. Some lines from a poem I remember hearing when I was a kid came to me..

          He was not there again today
          Oh how I wish he'd go away.

If this was Del, I really did.

Arc 6

Passing the Time............................

Usually, I find it easy to wait. I'm not in any hurry, and I almost always have a paperback book with me. Today, however, is tough.

I had an ultrasound done last week at my doctor's request, just to check on a couple of other internal organs that might be affected by the immuno-suppressants I take. I was told that the results would be evaluated and sent to my doctor within 24 hours. Unfortunately, the test was on Friday, and the 24 hours mentioned were "business hours". Saturday wasn't bad, but I didn't sleep well last night and I woke up early this morning definitely out-of-sorts. Plus, I don't know what my doctor's office hours are today so I don't know when I might hear.

It was a nice morning, and thinking to take my mind off of this, I decided to get a hair cut. My barber opens at 8:00, so I drove to the middle of town and parked in the municipal lot. As I walked towards Main Street, I passed this guy in the yard of a Slovak church, pruning the trees and bushes. He was whistling away, happily.

I got to the shop, but the barber had one guy in the chair, and three others waiting already. At maybe 8:15. On a Monday morning. Ridiculous. Today, I was in no mood to wait. I turned around and headed back to my car.

As I came up towards the Slovak church again, I could hear the tree-pruner still whistling. Now, it bothered me. I looked around. No one else was out. I came up on the tree-pruner from behind with the Flasher in my hand.

Point, press, Flash.

I kept walking to the municipal lot, got in my car, and drove away. I was feeling a little better.

I needed gas, so I headed for this no-name station that I use. The gas there is usually cheaper. When I got there, there was no waiting so I pulled up on the side closest to the street, with my passenger side to the pump. I could see the attendant sitting at the desk in the office. It didn't look to be my regular guy. I got out of my car, and waited for him to come out.

And I waited.

I knew he's seen me, because we made eye contact. He was just taking his time - and wasting mine. I was not in the mood for this.

Finally, he came out, and he filled my tank.

 I got back in my car, rolling the passenger side window down. When he was finished, he bent down into my car and I paid and thanked him. He just sort of sneered at me, but that was OK because...

Point, press, Flash...

I was ready for him. He slumped down between my car and the pump. There was no one around to see, and I drove off.

I had some food shopping to do, and since I prefer the self-check-out lanes, I didn't have any more waiting to do. The day was brightening, with a nice breeze. I decided to drive to Johnson Park on the Peninsula and just gather my thoughts.

It was quiet there. Joggers passed by as I sat on a bench looking out over the bay. I felt myself calming down. I'd be able to wait for the doctor's call now.

Then I heard her.

she was sitting on one of the walls, at some distance from me, but she was talking on her phone to someone in as loud a voice as possible. I couldn't quite hear what she was saying, but it didn't matter.
The shrillness of her voice was enough to ruin this peaceful setting. I got up and headed back to my car. I detoured slightly so that I would pass her on my right.

There was no one else in this side of the park. As I passed..

Point, press, Flash..

and she tumbled backwards off the wall.

I got back in my car and headed home. I'd watch some TV, eat lunch, and maybe take a nap.

And wait for my test results.