Giving Thanks.....

Usually, my not having ready access to a computer annoys me, and slows down the postings to this blog. In this instance, it gave me time to figure out how I wanted to say something. Even with the extra time, I couldn't so I'll just go ahead with what I want to say.

Thanksgiving Day is always the last Thursday in November. That should be no surprise to anyone. This year it was preceded by 3 days that have a big impact on me. The Tuesday was the first anniversary of my transplant. A big day for me and my immediate family. A quiet celebration to remember what happened and to be thankful for what didn't.

This means that Monday was the first anniversary of the death of my donor, Jimmy. I can't imagine how his family feels, or what they went through making the decision to donate the organs of their only son. I called them. They said it was getting better, but the tone of voice they used didn't sound that way.

Wednesday would've been my donor's 27th birthday. Another blow to the family.

For me, these 3 days will be linked forever to my future. I guess with every good thing that happens to you, you have to be prepared to carry some sadness.

This Old Man He Played 7.........

This last weekend was great. Spent a lot of time with my daughter. She picked me up early Saturday morning and we drove to D. C. for the American Heart Association Heart Walk on the Mall. We were together for about 12 hours, 8 in the car, 1 at a late lunch, and 3 doing the walk. It was a little tiring, but we covered 4 miles, and her sponsors got their money's worth. Sunday, we hooked up after the football game for an early supper so I could give her something I'd picked up that morning. (I'm guessing 3 o'clock is the demarcation point for late lunch/early supper.) The weather was overcast both days, but somewhat warmish, which was actually the best to hope for doing the walk. Kinda like what you'd want doing a marathon, I guess.

Monday was a beautiful, Fall day. Sunny, unseasonably warm. I drove around a lot, doing a library run. (I've found that a lot of libraries sell books that are donated, usually because they already have a copy or two. This is because they have a finite amount of space. As a rule, they price them at 50 cents for paperbacks and 41 to $3 bucks for hardcovers. I usually stick with the paperbacks. Must have about 100 at home that I haven't got to yet.)

Decided to drive to Avenel, and drop off something at a friends house that I'd picked up that morning. I turned off St. George Avenue by the Dunkin Donuts and figured on going straight up to Remsen. At the corned of Prospect, I saw an old person raking leaves. I say person because I couldn't make out the gender. The baggy clothes and fly-away white hair could've been anybody. I noticed that there was no one around. I continued to Remsen and turned left onto Butler, parking just off the corner. This is a quiet neighborhood, with very little activity on a weekday, mostly workers busy doing their business elsewhere.

I walked down Butler, and turned up Prospect. It's a pretty steep hill from there. I took out the Flasher. I stayed on the right-hand side of the street, since the person I saw would be on the left. I kept looking around, but I saw no foot or vehicular traffic. As I got to the corner, I saw the person still raking. His/her back was to me, but that doesn't really matter. They must've been in their late 80's or 90's from the impression I got. I crossed the street. No one around. Point, push, Flash, and they toppled gently into a pile of leaves as I rounded the corner.

I walked up the block, down Remsen, got in my car, and continued to my friends house to drop off the item. I was driving down Amboy Avenue 15 minutes later when I got the confirmation. 7 inside 3 months. I was slightly ahead of schedule.

Misgivings......

Doyle called last Saturday, wanting to meet. It had been almost a week since Event 6, but I really don't have any choice in these matters. We met Sunday at Alvin Williams Park in Sewarren, which overlooks the Arthur Kill.

As I walked down from the parking lot to the water front, I saw he was sitting on a bench with someone else - a woman. He was watching for me, and rose as I got close.

"Denny, thanks for coming. This is Fran Givings. She's an agent like me." She held out her hand, and I shook it.

"What's this about? I thought this was supposed to be low key, just the 2 of us?"
"It is, only the People Upstairs changed the rules a little. Fran will be my backup. If you hear from her, you gotta do what you'd do if you heard from me. Got it?"
"OK. But why? Are they sending you somewhere else?"
"No, nothing like that." He started to walk, and we trailed along with him. So far, Miss Givings hadn't said a word. "The People Upstairs are starting to take this seriously. not that they hadn't before but they weren't optimistic that you'd get the 12 in 6 months. Now that you've done 6 in 3, they starting to pay more attention, and everything has to now be by the book. That's where Fran comes in."
"I'm still not following."
"It's easy. You see, every operation usually requires that the agent running it have a backup. That way, in case something happens to him - or her, sorry Givings - the backup can step in without missing a beat. Of course, this means that I have to keep Fran here in the loop on everything, but you don't have to do anything. If she steps in it's because I'm unavailable, for whatever reason. But, she shouldn't have to since this is all random after all, and you make the choices. I only call if there's something you need to know. OK?"
"All right, yeah, I guess it makes sense. So what you're saying is I got 6 more to do, 3 months to do it in, and Agent Givings may call sometime but probably not."
"Right. That's it." Givings nudged him in the ribs, but tried to hide it from me. She didn't do such a good job. "Oh Yeah, there is one more thing."
"There always is. What is it?"
"Again, it's the People Upstairs. They're happy with the end results, but not so much with the last 2 Events. The thinking is that they were too out in the open, too public. They want to make sure that you understand that they'll keep their end of the bargain, bailing you out if you get caught. But, they want you to keep it low key. They're afraid you're getting too cocky, and maybe a little too careless. Don't forget what's at stake here."
"I don't, believe me. I know it's a 'me or them' situation."
"Good. Then that's all we need to hear." Turning to Givings, he said,"You can wait for me in the car now, Fran. If he says anything meaningful, I'll let you know." She said nothing - still - and turned toward the parking lot and the kind of car you'd expect government workers to be driving in. "OK. She's gone now. What were you thinking with that last one?"
"What?"
"That last one, number 6. I understand the thinking behind number 5, she was an available target and the situation just happened -even though the People Upstairs are still a little uncomfortable with it - but I don't get 6."
We walked along quietly for a while. He didn't push, and I was sunk in thought. Finally, I explained it. How it happened and why. He was still quiet for a while, and we passed a marker that indicated it was 8 tenths of a mile if you followed the outside trail around the entire park. I wondered how far we'd come.
"OK. I think I get it, and you gotta stop thinking like that right now. You are not some caped-crusading vigilante taking out the scum of the earth. We don't normally do any background checks on the people involved in these Events, but we could. What if we found that this guy was just some poor,dumb schmuck who was drinking a cup of coffee while his family was in the Children's Room enjoying reading time? Maybe he slipped out for a cigarette. You can't create back stories for them. They can't exist in your mind, they can't be real. Otherwise, you make yourself crazy, and I do mean crazy. You get me?"

I shrugged, because I didn't know what to say. We walked some more, and stopped back at the bench where he'd been sitting earlier with Givings. I stared at the Outerbridge for a while, I don't know how long. Doyle just stood there, saying nothing.

"I get it, I guess. I just thought that I was making something right out of this. That there was a purpose, a valid reason for it."
"There isn't. You know it, I know it, and the People Upstairs know it." He stopped, as if he wanted to say more, then took a deep breathe, exhaled, and continued. "Look, there's something you should know. The People Upstairs almost pulled the plug on you. They like the project now, but they're unsure of you. I convinced them otherwise, in the only language they really understand. It wouldn't be cost effective to stop you now. You have the implant. They'd have to take an agent out of the field, who's already got the implant, but then they're using a traceable asset should something go wrong, or they'd have to create someone, which has a whole bunch of other problems. For better or worse, they understand they're stuck with you. But, and it's a big But, they can pull the plug at any time. You need to keep that in mind. I don't know what they'd do to you if they decide to go that route, but you know too much to let them be comfortable with you just walking away. Be careful, is all I'm saying."
" I got it. I never thought about it like that, but I see where you're coming from. Let me ask you something. If they decide to get rid of me, would you do it?"
"I work for them. It's my job. And even if I refused, they have agents like Givings to do whatever they want. I'd like to think I'd be a little more discrete, and at least act on your behalf."

We didn't say anything else. There was nothing left to say. We'd go back to how it was before, but I'd be a little more cautious now. After all, there was Miss Givings.

6 of One............

This weekend would've been the perfect autumn weekend, except it was too overcast. Sunshine would've made it the kind you see in movies. We had 2 World Series games, local NFL football action, and Halloween. Who could ask for more, other then to be outside, walking around and enjoying the colors. Anyway,...

Saturday, I went to the Main Library. I have this form that I use to keep track of my Vitals. (I got it at the hospital when I was released, and I write down my weight, temperature, and blood pressure every morning. I used to also list my blood sugar, but I don't have to anymore since the steroids wore off.) I was down to my last two, so it was time to make some copies. Hence, the library.

Things were working out well, the machine worked, and the library had put out the Books For Sale table that had been missing since the construction started on the new light fixtures. The only thing still missing is that they don't have Internet connections, because the work involves their electrical works. I made about 20 copies, browsed and bought 3 paperbacks (usually 50 cents apiece, and hardcovers run from $1 to $3 bucks). I was feeling pretty good as I headed out to my car. (I used to walk up, but I've gotten lazy. I've got the extra weight to prove it.)

Next to the library is the local High School, and their playing fields are behind both facilities, where the parking lots are. In between is the Borough Health Building. This was Saturday, so there was a team in the field, and at a quick glance it appeared to be girls. Probably soccer or field hockey. There were no cars near the Health building, so I guess it was closed.

I got in my car, and accidentally hit the rear view mirror with the books I'd brought. While adjusting it, I noticed that there was a man standing behind the Health building, and watching the practice while drinking coffee. I watched a while, and there were definitely others watching, but they were all along the sidelines of the field, much closer then this guy. Why would anyone watch a group of girls in short uniforms running around a field, especially from a location that would not be easy to see from the field? I didn't like it.

I looked around. As I said, it looked like the Health building was closed, and since it was Saturday, the library was only marginally busy so the lot wasn't too crowded. There was no one walking by, and no cars moving that I could see. I lowered the windows, and took out the Flasher. In order to leave the lot, you have to drive around in a circular pattern that would pass by the Health building. I followed it around, slowed when I got to where I wanted to be, and without a second look, pointed, pressed, flashed, and drove on. I saw the man drop in my rear view mirror. No one yelled, no one stopped me, and I saw no one moving around. I left the lot, and headed for ShopRight to do some shopping. I know these are supposed to be random, but I felt good about this one. Maybe I can use this to take out potential menaces. then again, maybe not.

My phone went off as I waited on line to pay for the food I'd bought. Confirmed number 6, as long as number 5 stays uncontested. Half way. I wonder what happens after that?

5 Will Get You...........

I had a doctor's appointment on Tuesday, between 2 and 3. I know I have a car, but traffic in and out of New Brunswick is a disaster, and parking is worse. There's always the hospital's garage, but that's usually jammed. I prefer to take the bus. It leaves from Woodbridge Center every hour on the hour, and comes up from New Brunswick every hour on the hour. No muss, no fuss, and it only costs $2.25. I think I actually save money.

What I do is drive to Woodbridge Center, and park there. Since I hate to be late, and I'm always afraid something will cause a bus to be cancelled, I always get there early. Tuesday, I got there around 10:15 for the 11 o'clock bus. I parked behind the strip where the buses pull in, and where the 3 shelters are. (There are 3 buses that actually stop here. The 810 goes straight to New Brunswick, so I get on the first stop and get off the last, and it takes about an hour. The 815 also goes to New Brunswick, but it meanders through Perth Amboy, South River, and a few other small cities, takes an hour and a half, and costs $3.35. The 62 goes to Newark, and since I have no desire to go there, that's all I know about it.)

Since I was early, I decided to walk around a little in the mall. As I passed the shelters, I noticed that there was an older woman waiting in the middle one. I don't think they're set up for the specific buses so I didn't know where she was going, nor did I care. I wandered through the mall, then exited through Sears to wait at the shelters. As I walked over, I noticed that the woman was still there. She sat still, with her head down, as if thinking on something.

I looked around. No cars moving in or out, no people walking. I kept closing the distance. Kept checking around, as carefully as I could. My timing must've been great. The mall had been open for a while, and it was too early for the lunch crowd so things seem to have settled down. As I got nearer, I took out the Flasher. Since I was going to the hospital, I had my shoulder bag with me, to carry down my paper work, and a few things to occupy my time when I'm there (you always have to wait). I came up to her, resting the Flasher on the top of the bag. Point, press, Flash, and no discernible change to her position. I moved past and sat in the last shelter on the strip.

For the next 15 minutes, I watched the other 2 buses stop, and unload passengers, then load up and leave. No one paid the woman any mind. A couple of younger women even sat in the same shelter as the older woman and didn't react at all, as far as I could see. They just continued to talk to each other until the 810 showed up. I got on right after the 2 women, and as we pulled away, I saw the that the old woman was still there. She wasn't going to be going anywhere any time soon.

By the time I got home, I had heard from Doyle three times. The Event had been put under review since they weren't sure that the women hadn't been dead before I used the Flasher. They ultimately decided to confirm it, and I'm almost to the half-way mark. The doctor's visit went well, also.

Random Thoughts...

Doyle says I'm on track. The whole 12 Events in 6 Months thing. So far I've done 4 in 2 months, so I guess he's right. He's also right that I'm gonna have to rethink how I've been doing things. This last weekend was lousy, weather wise, and even though I was out, no one else was. At least, no one else was out mowing, or walking, or soaking up the sun alone in their yard. Winter's coming on, and good weather is going to be at a premium, so I'm gonna have to pick up the pace or change my ways. Thank God I now have the car. It makes getting around so much easier, and widens my target area.

Anyway, this weekend was a washout, no pun intended. I had the time to catch up on my reading, and do some soul searching. You know, why am I here, why am I doing this? Stuff like that. It didn't take long, because basically I don't waste my time on that kinda thinking. Maybe it's because of the transplant - I understand they cut the nerves when they took out the old heart so I'm not supposed to feel anything in there - or maybe it's upbringing, nature versus nurture stuff. I don't know, and I don't much care to ponder on it. I'm of the Popeye school of philosophy - "I yam what I yam and that's all that I yam". That pretty much says it. Take me as I am, warts, Events, and all. I do what I do to make sure no one does it to me or mine. No questions, no regrets.

A couple of things I did think about ......

I was out driving on Thursday along Routes 1 and 9 and I saw a pickup truck with a sign that said "One room painted free with every job" and I thought "What if you only wanted one room painted?"

I was coming up from Monmouth County on Route 35 on Monday when I saw a billboard. It was an accident scene with a smashed up car, emergency vehicles, flashing lights and the caption "We Can Help". Then I saw that the advertisers was a law firm and I wondered who it was they would be helping. The person who caused the accident, maybe the uninsured driver? It was like the latest version of ambulance chasing. Also, it's placed at a point in the road where it passed below another road, then turns sharply right. Just the place to distract someone and cause an accident. Trolling for clients?

Anyway, just some random thoughts. Got a doctor's appointment this afternoon. Time to start preparing for whatever I'll need to do on my 1 year anniversary.

Thanks 4 the Memories....

Yesterday was beautiful. It may be that I now have more time to "stop and smell the roses" or it may be that having come close to dying, I appreciate life more, but yesterday was beautiful. I was up in Avenel, and decided to walk around a little.

Autumn in New York is supposed to be terrific, but give me New Jersey any time besides, I don't have to pay that humongous toll. Here it's a bunch of small towns that make up one large municipality, and each town has its own charm. Walking up and down the streets, breathing that fresh, crisp air, is a great experience, and good cardio. My doctors would be proud.

I'd ambled up and down Remsen and Prospect, and was on Demorest. I figured to stroll on down to St. George, then up to McDonald's for breakfast. The colors were just beginning to show, and the trees were starting to look real nice. That's when I saw her.

She was an old woman, out in front of her house. Looked like she was planting or weeding along her walkway. Indian, Pakistani, or some such. I took the Flasher from my pocket, and started checking out the area. I didn't see anyone else, and there were no cars coming or going. I constantly watched as I got closed. Definitely weeding. Looks like she'd planted some mums, and was cleaning up around them. Down on her knees, working away. I came up to her, checked the area. Nothing and no one. Point, push, flash. She folded over and lay on the lawn, as I went by. A few minutes later, I'd turned the corner towards McDonald's. I figured I'd get the confirm on number 4 as I was eating. Should I get the Big Breakfast?